Engagement Party Planning Guide
Congratulations on your engagement! Who wants to wait all the way to the wedding to celebrate? Great news; you don’t have to! An engagement party is typically hosted shortly after you say “YES!” Below is a guide to planning an engagement party. While this guide can help you map out your engagement party, remember these are only suggestions. There are no set rules and you can do literally whatever you want.
Why have an engagement party?
An engagement party serves a few purposes. First and foremost, it is a celebration of your engagement! This is a time for your friends and family to come together and congratulate you in person. Second, it offers the opportunity to begin introducing your family and friend groups. A wedding merges two families (both birth and chosen family count!) and it makes the actual wedding that much more fun if a lot of the guests have already had a chance to meet! Third, who doesn’t love an excuse to gather your favorite people altogether at once?!
Who hosts the engagement party?
The host of the engagement party is the person that will take on the bulk, if not all, of planning and costs. Traditionally the bride’s parents take on this task, but the host can be anyone, and completely depends on your situation. If the bride’s parents aren’t able to host- or if you have two grooms-, it can be the groom’s parents, other relatives, friends, coworkers, or even the engaged couple! The bridal party typically doesn’t take charge of this event, since they usually are in charge of the bachelor/bachelorette parties and bridal shower.
When should the engagement party be?
Engagement parties typically occur in the first few months after becoming engaged. This is an opportunity to celebrate the upcoming commitment, without throwing an entire wedding! Aiming at the 3-month-post-engagement mark is an ideal time to host this event, because there is still a “buzz” around your engagement, but you won’t be buried by planning yet.
How should the host pace the engagement party planning?
Below is a sample planning timeline. This will vary depending on the time frame and budget the host has allotted.
1 month after engagement-
Decide on a budget for the engagement party
Decide on the general “feel” for your engagement party (formal, casual, something in between?)
Create a guest list for the engagement party & gather contact info
Find & book a venue to host the party
Select vendors based on what budget allows and the venue includes
2 months after engagement-
Send out invitations to engagement party
Find decor for engagement party
Select attire for engagement party
Create a registry (this is something the couple will need to do!)
3 months after engagement-
Host engagement party
Who should be invited?
Miss Manners says you can only invite people who are invited to the wedding. This is generally the polite thing to do, but with the culture of weddings shifting away from tradition you don’t necessarily need to stick to this guideline. If you find yourself in this situation, make it very clear to those guests that they won’t be invited to the wedding. A nice way to word this is: “Our wedding venue limits the amount of people we can invite, so we had to make some difficult decisions about the guest list! We would still love to celebrate with you, so it would mean a lot to have you at the engagement party!” There are a lot of other cutesy wording options floating around on Pinterest if you wanted to have something written on the invitation about this.
Here is a general outline of who is typically invited:
Your bridal party (unless the event is being held in a city far from them)
Your immediate families (if your relationship with them allows for this)
Your extended families (if your relationship with them allows for this- NOTE: If you invite some immediate or extended family, you DO NOT have to invite them all. Invite whoever makes sense in your unique situation.)
Let the host invite some bonus people. The host may have close friends/coworkers/etc. that hear about you all the time! Those people might love to join in the fun! If you are worried about this getting out of hand, give a few parameters for the bonus invitations. Give the host a certain number of their own guests to invite that you are comfortable having around during the engagement party. If you are worried about a particular person or people being invited, make it clear that you aren’t comfortable with those people being invited!
Close friends in the area. This isn’t an event that people would typically travel for, so if you have close friends in the area add them to the list!
Pro-tip #1: If the host is attempting to plan a surprise engagement party or the couple wishes to not be involved in any element of planning, a member of the bridal party or other close friends can help form the guest list to include friends of the couple!
How should I invite people?
As always, there are no set rules. Sending formal invitations by mail is great if you have the time and wiggle room in the budget, but necessary by any means! Many other wedding blogs and older generations would disagree strongly with this, though, so be prepared for a host coming from an older generation to find formal invitations necessary. Since the guest list is typically a fraction of the full guest list, invitations can easily be sent via email, Facebook, or even a quick text if the event is intimate enough!
No matter how you choose to spread word about the party, the invitations do not need to be as formal as the wedding invitations. These invitations also do not need to be a reflection of your wedding design in any way. You, or the host, can pick whatever aesthetic makes you all happy!
Pro-tip #2: If you and your host disagree on how invitations should be sent, choosing to mail more casual invitations with bright colors and fun fonts can be a good compromise!
Pro-tip #3: Take this one with a grain of salt, but… pick and choose your battles. There will probably be plenty of opinions coming your way about the wedding that you will need to navigate. If the host of this event feels really strongly about the invitations, this may not be the hill to die on.
What information should the invitations include?
As always, names, date, location, time will need to be included on the invitation. The host should also specify what kind of refreshments can be expected (appetizers only, full dinner, hosted bar, BYOB, no alcohol, etc.) Guests often will bring gifts for the couple to an engagement party, so if possible, create your wedding registry beforehand! If you are planning on creating a wedding website and building your registry on that platform, you’ll need to create this beforehand.
The engagement party host may also want to include their name and that is totally fine! People will often word the invites “The parents/aunt/cousin/friend/etc of X invite you to celebrate the engagement of their daughter/son/other to [Fiance name here].”
If you are including guests to the list for the engagement party who are not invited to the wedding you can let them know with the invitation. Explain the reasoning behind the lack of wedding invite, but let them know they are an important part of your life and you’d love the opportunity to celebrate with them!
Pro-tip #4: Wedding website platforms like Zola or The Knot allow you to build your registry before building your website. This allows you the opportunity to provide guests with a list of items you like, without having to create your full website.
Pro-tip #5: Even if you tell people you don’t want gifts, some will bring them anyway. It is always better to receive something you’d actually like, so including a website or registry is a great way to communicate this information.
Who should pay for the engagement party?
Again, the cost of the engagement party typically will fall on the host. This can vary on a case by case basis depending on financial situations. Some hosts may ask you to pay for a portion of the engagement party. If you cannot afford to fund any portion of the party, suggest a more casual or smaller engagement party to accommodate their budget! Much like the actual wedding, budget isn’t what defines the day. The most important aspect is celebrating your love while surrounded by the people who mean the most to you and your fiance! (See the end of blog for full example budget breakdowns.)
Where should the engagement party be hosted?
The engagement party can be hosted in any venue, it will just depend on the size of the guest list and access to space. While the event can be as formal or informal as the host would like, the engagement party is often thrown in the host's home or backyard. If this is not an option or the host doesn’t prefer to host in their home, a restaurant or smaller venue is not out of the norm! Choosing a private room in a restaurant can often be less expensive since so much will be included (i.e. in house catering, tables, chairs, flatware, plates, napkins, drink ware, bar, centerpieces, etc.)
The engagement party is usually thrown in the city that the host is local to. This may not be the city you live in, so you will need to travel to them. If you find yourself in this situation, you may not be able to invite some of your friends or family that live in your area. That is okay! Communicate with those friends and family so they understand why they aren’t receiving an invitation!
What should we do at the engagement party?
Engagement party activities vary quite a bit from event to event. If you want guests to simply mingle freely throughout the party, go for it! There are a lot of great activities that can be prepared, as well. Lawn games can be set up for guests, a “how well do you know the couple?” quiz that can be played as a group, a guest book can be set out, or any other number of things can be prepared to entertain guests. If you are looking for ideas, be sure to check out our Pinterest board for inspiration!
The engagement party is also a great opportunity to allow guests to make toasts! Not everyone will get a chance to speak at the wedding, so having certain friends or family members make a toast at this smaller event is the perfect compromise!
Keep in mind, while guests often bring gifts to the engagement party, the party isn’t about the gifts. Gift opening at an engagement party isn’t typical and can prove to be a little awkward for the guests who chose not to bring a present.
Is a full dinner expected at the engagement party?
Nope! Everyone appreciates a nice full meal, but it isn’t expected. Just be sure the host specifies either way on the invitation so guests can plan accordingly!
If the host is providing dinner, it doesn’t need to be fancy! A backyard BBQ is completely acceptable! If they want to go all out and have a full 5 course sit down dinner, that is fine, too. As long as they are paying for it, and you are comfortable with it, there are no right or wrong answers to what should be served.
What should be included in the budget?
As always, this completely depends on what the host chooses to include! Below are some typical things to consider budgeting for:
Venue
Catering
Tables, chairs, plates, drink ware, flatware, napkins, etc.
Bar
Photographer
Music/entertainment
Cake/dessert
Invitations
Decor
Miscellaneous
Of course there are endless approaches to maximize any budget! Below are 3 example budgets for engagement parties.
Example Budget #1 (the “bells and whistles” example)-
Overall budget $10k
75 guests, 4 hour party
Party Planner- $850
Venue (includes tables, chairs, plates, flatware, drinkware, and food)- @ $30/person = $2,250
Bar (through venue- beer, wine, & liquor)- @ $25/person = $1,875
Photographer- $500
Music/entertainment (Live guitarist & singer)- $625
Cake from speciality bakery (2 tier 6” base, 4” top tier)- $450
Dessert display (cupcakes, macaroons, & donuts)- $500
Invitations (mailed designer invitations, w/ stamps & envelopes)- @$10/household = $250
Decor- $2,000
2 large balloon displays @$200/arrangement = $400
Florist (8 centerpieces & 4 accent arrangements for signs and special tables)- $1,500
Signage (welcome sign, seating chart)- $100
Miscellaneous- $900
Photo booth (4 hrs)- $500
Party favors (ex. Personalized koozie & bottle openers)- $250
Gift table (sign, card box, etc.)- $100
Guest book/activity table- $50
TOTAL: $9,975
Example Budget #2 (the “mid range backyard” example)-
overall budget $2k
75 guests, 4 hour party
Venue (backyard)- FREE
Caterer (tacos @$5/person- includes paper plates and plasticware. Provide your own apps i.e veggie tray, DIY cheese board, etc. for additional $25)- $400
Bar (DIY alcohol, hire bartender, & physical bar)- $415
1 signature cocktail (ex. Lemon drop)
2 handles of middle shelf vodka @$40/handle = $80
Mixers/ingredients- $20
1 case of Trader Joe’s Charles Shaw wine (6 red & 6 white) = $40
1/4 keg of light domestic beer = $80
Ice for cocktails & beer tub = $30
1 bartender @20/hr = $80
Folding table w/ table cloth for bar = $30
Rentals (tables, chairs)- $525
8 tables & table cloths @$30/table = $240
75 chairs @ $3/chair = $225
Delivery @$60
Music/entertainment (DJ)- $400
Cake (single tier cake from local grocer)- $35
Invitations (Send out email or create Facebook event)- FREE
Decor- $50
DIY Flowers (Trader Joe’s flowers) 5 bushels @ $5/bushel = $25
Dollar store vases 1 per table @$1/each = $8
Candles & dollar tree candle votives (2 per table)- $2/each = $16
Miscellaneous- $200
Guest party favors (personalized Koozies)- $100
Gift table (sign, card box, etc.)- $50
TOTAL: $2,025
Example Budget #3 (the “ballin’ on a budget” example)-
overall budget $500
75 guests, 4 hour party
Venue (backyard) - FREE
Catering (potluck; guests bring a dish! ex. the host can provide hotdogs/hamburgers)- $100
Tables & chairs (use friend’s folding tables & chairs, buy dollar tree table covers)- $10
Plates, plasticware, and drinkware (use disposable)- $50
Bar (1 full domestic keg & BYOB)- $250
Music (make playlist and set up your own speaker)- FREE
Cake/dessert (make your own!)- $25
Invitations (Send out email or create Facebook event)- FREE
Decor- $50
DIY Flowers (Trader Joe’s flowers) 5 bushels @ $5/bushel = $25
Dollar store vases 1 per table @$1/each = $8
Candles & dollar tree candle votives (2 per table)- $2/each = $16
TOTAL: $485
As you can see, the third example can easily decrease in price by only offering BYOB, delegating the disposable plates, plasticware, and drink ware as a potluck item, cutting out all decor, and/or skipping dessert. Basically this is all to say, no budget is too small!
Final thoughts on engagement parties-
There is no specific way to throw an engagement party! No matter how the event comes together, it will be a beautiful day celebrating this incredible milestone in your relationship!
If you have any additional questions please feel free to drop a comment or send an email!