Bachelor & Bachelorette Planning Guide
Weddings are all about love! But the celebration doesn’t have to be limited to you and your fiance’s love. Weddings also provide a great opportunity to celebrate the love and support you receive from the people who are closest to you. Celebrate the friendships you hold most dear during your bachelor/ette party! Follow this planning guide (or share it with your bridal party) for a smooth bachelor/ette party planning experience!
Why have a bachelor/ette party?
A bachelor/ette party is traditionally the last “hurrah” before getting hitched, however, these celebrations have evolved into so much more! While it is still ultimately a time for the bridal party to dote on their engaged friend, over time bachelor/ette parties have grown into a celebration of friendship and a chance for bonding between bridal party members. We all go through so many walks of life, often collecting friends along the way. The bachelor/ette party is the perfect time to bring together the amazing friends we’ve made from life’s various chapters to form their own friendships with each other! They already have one major thing in common: a fondness for YOU!
Who hosts the bachelor/ette party?
Traditionally the bridal party will take on the role of co-hosts, but the host can be anyone, and completely depends on your situation. While it is not typical for the bride(s) or groom(s) to plan their own bachelor/ette parties, it is becoming more common! The co-hosts of the event will take on the bulk, if not all, of planning and costs.
As with most group projects, delegation is key! The Maid of Honor and/or Best Man will typically act as “team captains.” This will usually include initiating the planning, taking on extra tasks and/or expenses, and advocating for what the bride and/or groom will want. If this isn’t possible, it is a great idea for the bride and/or groom to discuss this role with another bridal party member, so they can lead the planning. Someone, at very least, should be tasked with initiating the planning process.
Pro-tip #1: While it is advantageous to have one or two people designated to initiate and oversee the general planning, it is best to involve everyone attending if possible! To prevent the bulk of planning from falling too heavily on one or two people, divide the day(s) into sections and assign responsibility to each person for a different time period (see example in next section). This is a great way to make sure everyone is involved, carrying their weight, and has a chance to plan a thoughtful meal/activity that reflects what they know the bride and/or groom will love!
Pro-tip #2: Not everyone has the same schedule, workload, or access to resources so planning will probably not be perfectly distributed and that is okay! If an attendee can’t offer as much support throughout planning as others, don’t sweat it! They can contribute in other ways! Delegate some of the tasks that can’t be done beforehand to them (i.e. assembling goodie bags, setting up decor, going on a shopping trip to gather food/drinks for the hotel, etc.).
If you are the one with limited planning abilities, communicate this to the other attendees! Everyone can understand a busy schedule, but you have to let them know! If you do have limited time, be clear about your budget, but be ready for decisions to be made without you. If the people working hard on planning don’t receive timely responses there is a good chance they will make plans that you’ll have to go-with-the-flow on!
How should the planning be delegated?
Here is a series of old adages: Many hands make for light work- and party planning is no exception. However, without a clear plan of execution you may find yourself with too many cooks in the kitchen. A solid plan on how to divide the tasks will alleviate stress and ensure party planning is a piece of cake! (Okay, calling it a day on the idioms).
Below is an example of planning delegation. In this example, the group includes 1 Maid of Honor and 7 bridesmaids. They will arrive late in the evening before Day 1 and will leave after brunch on Day 3. I highly recommend putting this information into a spreadsheet.
Maid of Honor:
Planning- Day 1 breakfast & day 3 brunch
Additional responsibilities-
Find overnight accommodation for everyone
Book bride’s flight (cost split with all bridesmaids)
Plan transportation to and from airport
Bridesmaid 2:
Planning- Day 1 Afternoon activity
Additional responsibilities-
Help set up decor upon arrival
Help assemble goodie bags upon arrival
Bridesmaid 3:
Planning- Day 1 dinner
Additional responsibilities-
Plan and purchase decor for hotel room (cost split with all bridesmaids)
Bridesmaid 4:
Planning- Day 1 evening activity
Additional responsibilities-
Plan and purchase goodie bag supplies (cost split with all bridesmaids)
Bridesmaid 5:
Planning- Day 2 brunch
Additional responsibilities-
Plan purchase of snacks/drinks for hotel room
Plan transportation to and from day 1& 2 evening activities
Bridesmaid 6:
Planning- Day 2 afternoon activity
Additional responsibilities-
Find and purchase matching t-shirts for Day 2 brunch & afternoon activity (cost split with all bridesmaids)
Bridesmaid 7:
Planning- Day 2 dinner
Additional responsibilities-
Plan and communicate with everyone coordinating outfits for evening activity day 1
Bridesmaid 8:
Planning- Day 2 evening activity
Additional responsibilities-
Create playlist for the trip and provide a speaker to play music through
Help assemble goodie bags upon arrival
Bridal parties come in all shapes and sizes! This delegation can be recreated in any number of ways to fit your attendee count, day count, etc. In the single day, single activity situations often the Maid of Honor or Best Man will handle all of the planning. If you are hosting a single day, single activity bachelor/ette party, you can still delegate tasks if you’d like! In this case attendees can make plans for transportation, games, decor, etc.
Pro-tip #3: Whoever is serving as “team captain” can create a spreadsheet and distribute a blank copy via a document sharing website, like Google Docs. Include a list with the days and times that need to be planned out, so everyone can claim responsibilities without missing or double booking anything.
Pro-tip #4: Set deadlines so everyone involved contributes in a way that is functional in a group planning setting. In regards to all planning elements, it is best to give time frames to operate within. If someone is falling behind or if a deadline comes and goes, remind the person who slacked that they need to do their part! Confrontation isn’t fun so avoid it altogether by communicating thoroughly and frequently!
How involved should the bride and/or groom be in planning the bachelor/ette party?
Like most things in regards to planning a bachelor/ette party this will vary greatly depending on the situation. It is useful to gauge what the bride and/or groom want their involvement level to be and then include them as much or as little as they suggest. Some people want to be completely surprised. Others want to give a general vision and then be surprised by the details. Some people want to be very involved and have no surprises. There are no wrong answers! If the bride and/or groom enjoys planning and would have more fun being a part of the preparations, let them be! This party is for them, so they can do whatever makes them happy!
Pro-tip #5: If you are a bride/groom choosing to be heavily involved with the planning regarding the bachelor/ette party, be prepared to pay for yourself! This is not always the case, but typically if you plan your own activities the bridal party won’t be as inclined to pay for your portion. If you’re heavily involved in the planning you essentially become a co-host and hosts pay!
When should the bachelor/ette party take place?
Bachelor/ette parties typically occur about 2-3 months prior to the wedding. It is best to schedule this party before the bride and/or groom are too swamped with wedding planning so they can fully enjoy the celebration. To accomplish this, hosting the bachelor/ette party about 2-3 months prior to the wedding is ideal. If your bachelor/ette party requires bridal party members to travel and a lot of your bridal party will also be traveling for your wedding, it is best to plan the bachelor/ette parties earlier so the travel is spaced out for everyone.
Who attends the bachelor/ette party?
The standard invite list for a bachelor/ette party will just include the bridal party. Some people choose to end the list there, but some extend the invitation to others depending on the situation. You can choose to invite additional close friends, parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, or whoever you’d like! Some couples choose to combine their bachelor/ette parties with each other to double the fun!
Pro-tip #6: Not all members of your bridal party may be able to attend the bachelor/ette party and that is okay! Plan for the majority and communicate with the ones who can’t make it! If a member of the bridal party can’t attend the bachelor/ette party, they will often still offer to cover a portion of the bride and/or groom’s costs. This is by no means expected or the norm, but if you personally are the one who can’t attend, even offering to pay for one drink via Venmo is a nice gesture!
How should the host(s) pace bachelor/ette party planning?
7-8 months prior to the wedding-
The bride and/or groom talks to their bridal party and delegate someone to initiate planning
6 months prior to the wedding-
Discuss with the bride and/or groom how involved they want to be in planning
Discuss with the bride and/or groom what they generally envision for the bachelor/ette party & let the attendees know (one day local celebration, destination party, staycation, something else?)
Discuss with the bride and/or groom who they want to invite! They may want to include friends or family members who are not in their bridal party
Discuss overall budget with everyone involved
Research activities/excursions to do on the bachelor/ette party & share the ideas with the other attendees
Anyone who needs to requests time off from work!
5 months prior to the wedding-
Confirm who will attend
Readjust the budget with the confirmed attendees
Solidify travel plans (place to stay & flight)
Delegate pieces of planning to the attendees
4 months prior to the wedding-
Have all activities booked
All dining reservations made
Find & purchase decor for bachelor/ette party
Select attire for bachelor/ette party
3 months prior to the wedding
Host bachelor/ette party
Who should pay for the bachelor/ette party?
The cost of the bachelor/ette party typically will fall on the host. This can vary on a case by case basis depending on financial situations. Some hosts may ask the guest of honor to pay for a portion of the bachelor/ette party. If the budget is tight, the bride and/or groom cannot afford to fund any portion, but their vision was grand, explain the situation and suggest a more casual or smaller bachelor/ette party to accommodate everyone’s budget! Much like the actual wedding, budget isn’t what defines the event. The most important aspect is celebrating together!
Where should the bachelor/ette party be hosted?
There is no single answer to this. The short answer is anywhere in the world that the attendees can afford and are willing to go! The bachelor/ette party can be as simple as a dinner date with your bridal party or as elaborate as a week long vacation to the bahamas. That makes suggesting a “where” a tad difficult! Here is a list of the top bachelor/ette destinations within the United States:
Las Vegas, Nevada
Scottsdale, Arizona
Nashville, Tennessee
New Orleans, Louisiana
Napa Valley, California
Los Angeles, California
Palm Springs, California
San Diego, California
Miami, Florida
Pro-tip # 7: Be sure to consider everyone’s travel expense when selecting a location for the bachelor/ette party. If everyone is spread out some attendees might have a much larger travel expense to account for than others.
What should we do at the bachelor/ette party?
This will vary tremendously based on the kind of bachelor/ette you decide to host. Games are appropriate for any setting, though! Here are some bachelor/ette favorites:
How well do you know the bride and/or groom game? For a printable version click here!
Date night idea game (bonus- this one can be free!)
Have guests write an idea or two down for date nights. Have the bride and/or groom read the ideas aloud and guess which attendee made the suggestion! Ideas can be G-rated or as raunchy as your friend group is comfortable with! If the guest of honor knows their bridal party’s handwriting, have someone else read the ideas to them!
Newlywed game!
Have one of the bridesmaids send the groom/bride (whomever is NOT at the party) a questionnaire. Have the guest of honor guess the answers their spouse chose!
A scavenger hunt!
There are plenty of city-specific downloadable scavenger hunts available on Pinterest. If a bridesmaid or groomsmen is up for the challenge, they can create their own! Creating one specific for your group of friends allows the opportunity to incorporate inside jokes, plan for things that are specific to the city you are hosting in, and accommodate for what everyone involved is or is not willing to do!
For more ideas click here to visit our Pinterest board!
Some other fun ideas to do for a bachelor/ette party:
Do a wine tasting
Go to Disney
Dress up and go to a fancy dinner
Go to a pool party
Take a tour of the city you’re in
In a water-centered city, charter a boat and go for a cruise
Take a class of some kind (i.e. cooking class, dance class, etc.)
Find a Karaoke bar
Go out dancing
Plan the party in-home and have activities
Pro-tip #8: Know your guest of honor (the bride and/or groom) and plan accordingly! This party is ultimately a celebration for them, so plan activities that you know they will love!
What should be included in the budget?
The budget completely depends on what the host chooses to include. Since there are so many directions to take the bachelor/ette party, the overall budget and how the funds are allocated will vary drastically from one party to the next. Below are some typical things to consider budgeting for:
Venue / overnight accommodation
Travel / flight
Meals
Drinks
Activities / excursions
Decor
Specific outfits (custom t-shirts, swimsuits, etc.)
Transportation within the city
Pro-tip #9: Have an open and honest conversation about the budget with all attendees prior to planning anything. This can be a little awkward as oftentimes not all members of the bridal party know each other and they may have very different economic situations. Having this talk will be totally worth the potential uneasiness, though! It will alleviate a lot of tension down the road if everyone is in agreement about the budget from the beginning!
As an attendee, do I have to participate in everything?
Not everyone will have the same budget or interests and that is okay! Especially for multi day bachelor/ette parties. Whoever takes the lead on planning should communicate from the beginning that the activities planned should be interesting to the bride and/or groom. If someone is not interested or can’t afford to attend an activity, they don’t have to attend!
If you are the one choosing to not attend an activity that everyone else is participating in, plan something else for yourself! You are on vacation, too, afterall! Be considerate, though! If you simply don’t like an activity, it’s best to go with the group anyway. The trip is about the bride and/or groom so being with them to celebrate is important.
If you can’t afford an activity, let the other attendees know! There may be alternative plans that can be made. If the plans have already been made and you simply cannot swing it financially, that is okay! Plan something for yourself that you can afford, but do your best to meet up with everyone after the activity you’ve opted out of is complete.
If you, for any reason, have a strong aversion to the activity, skip it! You don’t have to let everyone know your reasoning, but if possible at least let the bride and/or groom know so they understand why you aren’t attending. Be very considerate with your timing and wording, though! The last thing anyone wants is a ruined surprise or guest of honor who is unable to enjoy an activity someone worked hard to plan!
How do I navigate planning a party with complete strangers?
As if group projects aren’t challenging enough, planning a bachelor/ette comes with its own unique set of tests. It is fairly common, especially in larger bridal parties, for attendees (now co-hosts in this case) to not know each other. Not knowing each other probably means communication will primarily be via email or text. Hopefully, all of this proves to be a non issue with your group! If you are concerned about heads butting, there are a couple proactive measures that can be taken to make cooperation as friendly and fun as possible.
First, introduce yourselves! Get to know one another! Taking the time to acknowledge each other and form your own foundation of acquaintanceship will keep a lot of the deeper conversations, like budget, more comfortable.
Second, as previously mentioned, discuss the budget and delegate the planning. These are the two most common causes for friction when planning. Getting ahead of these key factors will prevent a lot of issues!
Third, try not to pass judgement on the attendees you don’t know based on their written communication. It is hard to convey tone and emotion via text or email. Take this into consideration when communicating with a group, especially that includes people you don’t actually know. Remember, the guest of honor loves these people and you love the guest of honor so there is a good chance you will end up being friends in the end!
Fourth, if you find yourself, or even an entire subgroup, feeling thrown off by how someone is communicating, schedule a call! Oftentimes just speaking over the phone can alleviate some of the tension that may have built.
Fifth, try to avoid bringing any planning drama to the bride and/or groom. This is important for two main reasons. Number one, taking issues to the guest of honor can create a he-said, she-said situation that is generally bad vibes. Equally as important, no one wants to go into their bachelor/ette party feeling like there is tension in the air! That being said, the bride and/or groom is the common denominator, so some issues will be easier to resolve with their support. Before asking them to intervene, be sure it is a situation that truly needs their attention!
Finally, HAVE FUN! You are planning a party (which is likely a full vacation)! This is a fun thing! If it becomes stressful for any reason, identify the problem and troubleshoot! No planning is being done? Initiate! Still nothing? Offer specific suggestions! Try to relax and enjoy the planning process! If all else fails, just remember ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS IS GETTING MARRIED!! It is time to celebrate! If literally no one is doing literally anything despite your best attempts to engage them, plan a bachelor/ette getaway for just you and your guest of honor and leave the invitation open to everyone else; I guarantee once plans are set the others will join!
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