Bridal Shower Planning Guide

A bridal shower is a great milestone in the wedding preparation journey for the bride to enjoy the company of friends and family before the wedding! The bridal shower is different from the bachelorette party in that it is typically shorter and a more “tame” gathering. Follow the guide below, or share it with the event host, for a smooth bridal shower planning experience!

Why have a bridal shower-

A bridal shower is a party where friends and family gather to shower the bride with gifts! Much like a baby shower functions as a chance to prepare an expecting mother for a life transition, the bridal shower is meant to provide the bride with gifts that will help prepare her for the upcoming life changes that marriage will bring. While the primary function of this event is to dote upon the bride, it is also a fun opportunity to play games, introduce friends from different walks of life, and build memories!

When should the bridal shower be?

Bridal showers typically occur in the final few months, or even weeks, before the wedding. It is best to schedule this just before the final stages of planning take up all of the bride’s free time! Scheduling this party 30-45 days prior to the wedding is ideal!

The bridal shower will typically occur during daylight hours as opposed to being a nighttime event. 

Example bridal shower planning timeline-

3 months prior to wedding- 

Set a budget for the bridal shower

Create a guest list for the bridal shower

Gather addresses or email addresses of the guests

Decide on the general “feel” for the bridal shower (formal, casual, something in between?)

Find a venue to host the shower

2 months prior to wedding-

Plan the food and drink menus

Send out invitations to bridal shower

Find decor for bridal shower

Select attire for bridal shower

Book any necessary vendors

Plan activities for the bridal shower

1 month prior to wedding-

Purchase bar and food materials

Purchase flowers & decor

Host bridal shower

Who hosts the bridal shower?

More often than not the bridesmaids, bride or groom’s mother, or another close friend or family member will host the bridal shower. It is uncommon for the bride to host this event for herself since the primary function is to shower the bride with gifts.

How should I invite people?

As always, there are no set rules. Sending formal invitations by mail is great if you have the time and budget, but not necessary by any means! For bridal showers, it is a more recent trend to create a cute virtual invite that is distributed via email. This bridges the gap between official invitations and something that requires less effort. This also provides the opportunity to link a registry directly on the invitation so guests can conveniently click the link and purchase a gift!

Who should be invited?

The etiquette guru, Miss Manners, says you can only invite people who are invited to the wedding and I have to agree with her on this one. Unlike the engagement or bachelorette party, the bridal shower’s main purpose is for people to bring you gifts. Inviting someone to give the bride a gift, but not the wedding is a bit rude.

Traditionally this is a women only event, but this is changing more and more everyday. The invites can be extended to all the womyn invited to the wedding who are particularly close friends with the bride. The best rule of thumb is to limit the guest list to only the bride’s closest family and friends. Remember, the bride’s family is growing with the wedding! It is completely normal and acceptable to invite people from the groom’s side of the family if the relationship allows!

Here is a general outline of who is typically invited:

• The bridesmaids

• The womyn the bride is close with in her immediate families 

• The womyn the bride is close with in her extended families

• Close friends in the area who are also invited to the wedding. This isn’t an event that people would typically travel for, so if you have close friends in the area add them to the list!

Pro-tip #1: If you invite some immediate or extended family, you DO NOT have to invite them all. Invite whoever makes sense in the bride’s unique situation.

Pro-tip #2: The groom doesn’t usually attend the bridal shower. He often will make an appearance at some point, but typically doesn’t stay for the duration of the party.

What information should the invitations include?

As always, names, date, location, and time will need to be included on the invitation. The host should also specify what kind of refreshments can be expected (appetizers only, full dinner, hosted bar, BYOB, no alcohol, etc.). Depending on what kind of theme you are going with, the headline on the invitation can communicate this information. For example, “Brunch and Bubbly Bridal Shower” or “I Do BBQ.”

Guests are expected to bring gifts, so be sure to include the bride’s wedding registry on the invitation.

Who should pay for the bridal shower?

The cost of the bridal shower typically will fall on the hostess(es). This can vary on a case by case basis depending on financial situations. The bride is never expected to pay for any portion of the bridal shower, though, on very rare occasions may be asked to contribute on certain items. For example, if the person hosting the event does not personally drink alcohol and doesn’t feel comfortable paying for it for guests, the bride may be asked to provide the alcohol. Typically the host would ask someone else close to the bride before coming to the bride with this request, though. Much like the actual wedding, budget isn’t what defines the day. The most important aspect is celebrating your love while surrounded by the people who mean the most to you! (See the end of blog for full example budget breakdowns.)

Where should the bridal shower be hosted?

The bridal shower can be hosted in any venue, it will just depend on the size of the guest list and access to space. While the event can be as formal or informal as the hostess(es) would like, the shower is often thrown in the maid of honor or a family member’s home or backyard. If the hostess(es) does not have space, or just isn’t into the idea of having this kind of gathering in their personal space, a restaurant or smaller venue is always an option! Since this event doesn’t typically include a full meal, choosing to host at a venue might add unnecessary cost.

The bridal shower is usually thrown in the city that the hostess(es) is local to. This may not be the city the bride lives in, so she will need to travel to party. This isn’t typically an event people besides the bride would travel for, so potential guests living outside of the hostess(es) city may not make sense to invite. That is okay! Communicate with those friends and family so they understand why they aren’t receiving an invitation!

What should we do at the bridal shower?

Opening the presents is the primary activity of a bridal shower. Typically around ⅔ of the way through the party everyone will gather around the bride as she opens gifts. Since dinner isn’t usually provided, a few other activities will take place to keep guests entertained and engaged. Since the guests are generously offering gifts to the bride, the groom will often make a quick appearance to say hello and thank everyone. During his appearance, there are several games to play that will include him! Some ideas include the shoe game, a Q & A with the bride(s) and groom(s), or a date night guessing game! For a full list of ideas, click here to visit our Pinterest page! No matter what kind of activities are planned, it is always nice if the guest of honor can make a quick thank you speech. The bridesmaids and/or the bride’s family have typically offered a lot of support leading up to this point aside from hosting the shower and it is always nice for the bride to show her appreciation!

Example bridal shower timeline

• 1pm- Guests arrive. Everyone mingles, make appetizer plates, grabs their drinks, and makes anonymous date night suggestion.

• 1:30pm- Game 1: “Guess the Dress” game

• 1:45pm- Host reminds everyone to enter ideas into the anonymous date night suggestions

• 1:45pm- Toasts from mother of the groom, mother of the bride, grandma, and bridesmaid who won’t give a toast at the wedding

• 2pm- Slide show of friends/family pictures viewing

• 2:15pm- Game 2: Bride reads anonymous date night suggestions aloud and guesses who made each suggestion

• 2:45pm- Groom arrives, says hello

• 3pm- Game 3: Shoe game with Groom

• 3:15pm- Groom leaves

• 3:15pm- Bride opens presents (maid of honor tracks gifts for thank you notes)

• 3:45pm- Group picture

• 4pm- Bridal shower concludes

Is a full dinner expected at the bridal shower?

Everyone appreciates a nice full meal, but it isn’t expected nor is it the norm at bridal showers. Just be sure the hostess(es) specifies either way on the invitation so guests can plan accordingly!

Typically light refreshments are offered. Some ideas include a cheese board, fruit/veggie platters, chips and dips, cupcakes, cookies, or anything else that is easy to grab and snack on. If you want something cost effective, but a little more filling consider thinly sliced pizzas, pasta salads, hamburger sliders, or even mini tacos! For beverages, a few common trends are mimosa bars, pre-batched cocktails or mocktails, wine and/or wine spritzers, or build your own Bloody Mary bars. For a list of food and beverage ideas and display inspiration click here!

What should be included in the budget?

This completely depends on what the hostess(es) chooses to include! Below are some typical things to consider budgeting for:

• Catering/food

• Tables, chairs, plates, cups, flatware, napkins, etc. 

• Bar/drinks

• Cake/dessert

• Invitations

• Decor

• Miscellaneous 

Of course there are endless approaches to maximize any budget! Below are 3 example budgets for Bridal showers.

Example 1 (the “bells and whistles” example)- overall budget $9k

40 guests, 3 hour party

• Party Planner- $850

• Venue (mother of the bride’s backyard)- FREE

• Caterer (Cheese/fruit grazing board)- $2k

• Bar (mimosa & bloody mary bar w/ bartender)- @ $15/person = $600

• Cake from speciality bakery (2 tier 6” base, 4” top tier)- $450

• Cupcake and macaroon display- $200

• Ice cream caddy & attendant- $200

• Photographer- $500

• Music/entertainment (Live guitarist & singer)- $625

• Rentals- $500

  • 4 large floor tables (low the the ground)- $120

  • Festive carpeting to go below table- $150

  • Cushions for everyone to sit on- $120

  • 1 large wicker peacock chair- $50

  • Delivery- $60

• Invitations (mailed invitations, w/ stamps & envelopes)- @$2/household = $70

• Decor- $1,650

  • 2 large balloon displays @$200/arrangement = $400

  • 2 small balloon arrangements to accent bar and dessert table = $200

  • Florist (4 centerpieces & 4 small accent arrangements for signs & special tables)- $800

  • Signage (custom neon welcome sign, bar sign, cards and gifts sign etc.)- $250

• Miscellaneous- $1,150

  • Photo booth (2 hrs)- $250

  • Party favors (ex. Spa goodie bags)- @$20/each = $800

  • Gift & activity table (sign, card box, etc.)- $100

TOTAL: $8,795

Example 2 (the “mid range backyard” example)- overall budget $1.2k

40 guests, 3 hour party

• Venue (MOH backyard/patio/living room)- FREE

• Veggie/fruit/easy apps- $200

• Bar (DIY mimosa bar & pre batched cocktails)- $350

  • 1 pre batched cocktail (ex. Vodka/Grapefruit)

  • 2 handles of mid-range vodka @$40/handle = $80

  • Grapefruit juice $30

  • 1 case mid-range champagne @ $15/btl $180

  • Orange juice/guava/other juice $40

  • Ice for cocktails = $20

• Cake (single tier cake from local grocer)- $35

• Cupcake display (homemade)- $15

• Rentals (tables, chairs)- $300

  • 4 tables & table cloths @$30/table = $120

  • 40 chairs @ $3/chair = $120

  • Delivery- $60

• Music/entertainment (make your own playlist and play through your own speaker)- FREE

• Invitations (Send out email with curated digital invite)- FREE

• Decor- $50

  • DIY Flowers (Trader Joe’s flowers) 5 bushels @ $5/bushel = $25

  • Dollar store vases 1 per table @$1/each = $4

  • Candles & dollar tree candle votives (2 per table)- $2/each = $8

• Miscellaneous- $250

  • Party favors (ex. Goodie bag)- @$5/each = $200

  • Gift table (sign, card box, etc.)- $50

TOTAL: $1,200

Example 3 (the “ballin’ on a budget” example)- overall budget $300

40 guests, 3 hour party

• Venue (MOH backyard/patio/living room)- FREE

• Veggie/fruit/pretzels/hummus/chips/dip- $50

• Bar (DIY mimosa bar & pre batched cocktails)- $170

  • 1 pre batched cocktail (ex. Vodka/Grapefruit)

  • 2 handles of inexpensive vodka @$20/handle = $40

  • Grapefruit juice $30

  • 1 case inexpensive champagne @ $5/btl $60

  • Orange juice $20

  • Ice for cocktails $20

• Tables/chairs (use MOH existing furniture) FREE

• Disposable plates & napkins- $5

• Cupcake & cookie display (homemade)- $25

• Music/entertainment (make your own playlist and play through your own speaker)- FREE

• Invitations (Send out email with curated digital invite)- FREE

• Decor- $50

  • DIY Flowers (Trader Joe’s flowers) 3 bushels @ $5/bushel = $15

  • Amazon decor purchases $20

  • Print signs from computer FREE

TOTAL: $300

As you can see, the cost of the third example can easily decrease by skipping the alcohol, only offering BYOB, cutting out all decor, and/or skipping dessert. Basically this is all to say, no budget is too small!

Note: These numbers may seem intimidating. Usually, all of your bridesmaids will split the cost of these items. If you have 6 bridesmaids, the price per person is much more manageable. Also keep in mind, 40 guests for a bridal shower is on the larger side of average. Invite less people to get the cost down! 

Bachelor & Bachelorette Planning Guide

Weddings are all about love! But the celebration doesn’t have to be limited to you and your fiance’s love. Weddings also provide a great opportunity to celebrate the love and support you receive from the people who are closest to you. Celebrate the friendships you hold most dear during your bachelor/ette party! Follow this planning guide (or share it with your bridal party) for a smooth bachelor/ette party planning experience!

Why have a bachelor/ette party?

A bachelor/ette party is traditionally the last “hurrah” before getting hitched, however, these celebrations have evolved into so much more! While it is still ultimately a time for the bridal party to dote on their engaged friend, over time bachelor/ette parties have grown into a celebration of friendship and a chance for bonding between bridal party members. We all go through so many walks of life, often collecting friends along the way. The bachelor/ette party is the perfect time to bring together the amazing friends we’ve made from life’s various chapters to form their own friendships with each other! They already have one major thing in common: a fondness for YOU!

Who hosts the bachelor/ette party?

Traditionally the bridal party will take on the role of co-hosts, but the host can be anyone, and completely depends on your situation. While it is not typical for the bride(s) or groom(s) to plan their own bachelor/ette parties, it is becoming more common! The co-hosts of the event will take on the bulk, if not all, of planning and costs.

As with most group projects, delegation is key! The Maid of Honor and/or Best Man will typically act as “team captains.” This will usually include initiating the planning, taking on extra tasks and/or expenses, and advocating for what the bride and/or groom will want. If this isn’t possible, it is a great idea for the bride and/or groom to discuss this role with another bridal party member, so they can lead the planning. Someone, at very least, should be tasked with initiating the planning process.

Pro-tip #1: While it is advantageous to have one or two people designated to initiate and oversee the general planning, it is best to involve everyone attending if possible! To prevent the bulk of planning from falling too heavily on one or two people, divide the day(s) into sections and assign responsibility to each person for a different time period (see example in next section). This is a great way to make sure everyone is involved, carrying their weight, and has a chance to plan a thoughtful meal/activity that reflects what they know the bride and/or groom will love!

Pro-tip #2: Not everyone has the same schedule, workload, or access to resources so planning will probably not be perfectly distributed and that is okay! If an attendee can’t offer as much support throughout planning as others, don’t sweat it! They can contribute in other ways! Delegate some of the tasks that can’t be done beforehand to them (i.e. assembling goodie bags, setting up decor, going on a shopping trip to gather food/drinks for the hotel, etc.).

If you are the one with limited planning abilities, communicate this to the other attendees! Everyone can understand a busy schedule, but you have to let them know! If you do have limited time, be clear about your budget, but be ready for decisions to be made without you. If the people working hard on planning don’t receive timely responses there is a good chance they will make plans that you’ll have to go-with-the-flow on! 

How should the planning be delegated?

Here is a series of old adages: Many hands make for light work- and party planning is no exception. However, without a clear plan of execution you may find yourself with too many cooks in the kitchen. A solid plan on how to divide the tasks will alleviate stress and ensure party planning is a piece of cake! (Okay, calling it a day on the idioms). 

Below is an example of planning delegation. In this example, the group includes 1 Maid of Honor and 7 bridesmaids. They will arrive late in the evening before Day 1 and will leave after brunch on Day 3. I highly recommend putting this information into a spreadsheet.

Maid of Honor:

Planning- Day 1 breakfast & day 3 brunch

Additional responsibilities- 

• Find overnight accommodation for everyone

• Book bride’s flight (cost split with all bridesmaids)

• Plan transportation to and from airport

Bridesmaid 2:

Planning- Day 1 Afternoon activity

Additional responsibilities-

• Help set up decor upon arrival

• Help assemble goodie bags upon arrival

Bridesmaid 3:

Planning- Day 1 dinner

Additional responsibilities-

• Plan and purchase decor for hotel room (cost split with all bridesmaids)

Bridesmaid 4:

Planning- Day 1 evening activity

Additional responsibilities-

• Plan and purchase goodie bag supplies (cost split with all bridesmaids)

Bridesmaid 5:

Planning- Day 2 brunch

Additional responsibilities-

• Plan purchase of snacks/drinks for hotel room

• Plan transportation to and from day 1& 2 evening activities

Bridesmaid 6:

Planning- Day 2 afternoon activity

Additional responsibilities-

• Find and purchase matching t-shirts for Day 2 brunch & afternoon activity (cost split with all bridesmaids)

Bridesmaid 7:

Planning- Day 2 dinner

Additional responsibilities-

• Plan and communicate with everyone coordinating outfits for evening activity day 1

Bridesmaid 8:

Planning- Day 2 evening activity

Additional responsibilities-

• Create playlist for the trip and provide a speaker to play music through

• Help assemble goodie bags upon arrival

Bridal parties come in all shapes and sizes! This delegation can be recreated in any number of ways to fit your attendee count, day count, etc. In the single day, single activity situations often the Maid of Honor or Best Man will handle all of the planning. If you are hosting a single day, single activity bachelor/ette party, you can still delegate tasks if you’d like! In this case attendees can make plans for transportation, games, decor, etc. 

Pro-tip #3: Whoever is serving as “team captain” can create a spreadsheet and distribute a blank copy via a document sharing website, like Google Docs. Include a list with the days and times that need to be planned out, so everyone can claim responsibilities without missing or double booking anything.

Pro-tip #4: Set deadlines so everyone involved contributes in a way that is functional in a group planning setting. In regards to all planning elements, it is best to give time frames to operate within. If someone is falling behind or if a deadline comes and goes, remind the person who slacked that they need to do their part! Confrontation isn’t fun so avoid it altogether by communicating thoroughly and frequently!

How involved should the bride and/or groom be in planning the bachelor/ette party?

Like most things in regards to planning a bachelor/ette party this will vary greatly depending on the situation. It is useful to gauge what the bride and/or groom want their involvement level to be and then include them as much or as little as they suggest. Some people want to be completely surprised. Others want to give a general vision and then be surprised by the details. Some people want to be very involved and have no surprises. There are no wrong answers! If the bride and/or groom enjoys planning and would have more fun being a part of the preparations, let them be! This party is for them, so they can do whatever makes them happy!

Pro-tip #5: If you are a bride/groom choosing to be heavily involved with the planning regarding the bachelor/ette party, be prepared to pay for yourself! This is not always the case, but typically if you plan your own activities the bridal party won’t be as inclined to pay for your portion. If you’re heavily involved in the planning you essentially become a co-host and hosts pay!

When should the bachelor/ette party take place?

Bachelor/ette parties typically occur about 2-3 months prior to the wedding. It is best to schedule this party before the bride and/or groom are too swamped with wedding planning so they can fully enjoy the celebration. To accomplish this, hosting the bachelor/ette party about 2-3 months prior to the wedding is ideal. If your bachelor/ette party requires bridal party members to travel and a lot of your bridal party will also be traveling for your wedding, it is best to plan the bachelor/ette parties earlier so the travel is spaced out for everyone.

Who attends the bachelor/ette party?

The standard invite list for a bachelor/ette party will just include the bridal party. Some people choose to end the list there, but some extend the invitation to others depending on the situation. You can choose to invite additional close friends, parents, sisters, brothers, cousins, or whoever you’d like! Some couples choose to combine their bachelor/ette parties with each other to double the fun!

Pro-tip #6: Not all members of your bridal party may be able to attend the bachelor/ette party and that is okay! Plan for the majority and communicate with the ones who can’t make it! If a member of the bridal party can’t attend the bachelor/ette party, they will often still offer to cover a portion of the bride and/or groom’s costs. This is by no means expected or the norm, but if you personally are the one who can’t attend, even offering to pay for one drink via Venmo is a nice gesture!

How should the host(s) pace bachelor/ette party planning?

7-8 months prior to the wedding-

The bride and/or groom talks to their bridal party and delegate someone to initiate planning

6 months prior to the wedding- 

Discuss with the bride and/or groom how involved they want to be in planning

Discuss with the bride and/or groom what they generally envision for the bachelor/ette party & let the attendees know (one day local celebration, destination party, staycation, something else?)

Discuss with the bride and/or groom who they want to invite! They may want to include friends or family members who are not in their bridal party

Discuss overall budget with everyone involved

Research activities/excursions to do on the bachelor/ette party & share the ideas with the other attendees

Anyone who needs to requests time off from work!

5 months prior to the wedding-

Confirm who will attend 

Readjust the budget with the confirmed attendees

Solidify travel plans (place to stay & flight)

Delegate pieces of planning to the attendees

4 months prior to the wedding-

Have all activities booked

All dining reservations made

Find & purchase decor for bachelor/ette party

Select attire for bachelor/ette party

3 months prior to the wedding

Host bachelor/ette party

Who should pay for the bachelor/ette party?

The cost of the bachelor/ette party typically will fall on the host. This can vary on a case by case basis depending on financial situations. Some hosts may ask the guest of honor to pay for a portion of the bachelor/ette party. If the budget is tight, the bride and/or groom cannot afford to fund any portion, but their vision was grand, explain the situation and suggest a more casual or smaller bachelor/ette party to accommodate everyone’s budget! Much like the actual wedding, budget isn’t what defines the event. The most important aspect is celebrating together!

Where should the bachelor/ette party be hosted?

There is no single answer to this. The short answer is anywhere in the world that the attendees can afford and are willing to go! The bachelor/ette party can be as simple as a dinner date with your bridal party or as elaborate as a week long vacation to the bahamas. That makes suggesting a “where” a tad difficult! Here is a list of the top bachelor/ette destinations within the United States:

1. Las Vegas, Nevada

2. Scottsdale, Arizona 

3. Nashville, Tennessee

4. New Orleans, Louisiana

5. Napa Valley, California

6. Los Angeles, California

7. Palm Springs, California

8. San Diego, California

9. Miami, Florida

Pro-tip # 7: Be sure to consider everyone’s travel expense when selecting a location for the bachelor/ette party. If everyone is spread out some attendees might have a much larger travel expense to account for than others. 

What should we do at the bachelor/ette party?

This will vary tremendously based on the kind of bachelor/ette you decide to host. Games are appropriate for any setting, though! Here are some bachelor/ette favorites:

1. How well do you know the bride and/or groom game? For a printable version click here!

2. Date night idea game (bonus- this one can be free!)

   1. Have guests write an idea or two down for date nights. Have the bride and/or groom read the ideas aloud and guess which attendee made the suggestion! Ideas can be G-rated or as raunchy as your friend group is comfortable with! If the guest of honor knows their bridal party’s handwriting, have someone else read the ideas to them!

3. Newlywed game! 

   1. Have one of the bridesmaids send the groom/bride (whomever is NOT at the party) a questionnaire. Have the guest of honor guess the answers their spouse chose!

4. A scavenger hunt!

   1. There are plenty of city-specific downloadable scavenger hunts available on Pinterest. If a bridesmaid or groomsmen is up for the challenge, they can create their own! Creating one specific for your group of friends allows the opportunity to incorporate inside jokes, plan for things that are specific to the city you are hosting in, and accommodate for what everyone involved is or is not willing to do!

For more ideas click here to visit our Pinterest board!

Some other fun ideas to do for a bachelor/ette party:

1. Do a wine tasting

2. Go to Disney

3. Dress up and go to a fancy dinner

4. Go to a pool party

5. Take a tour of the city you’re in

6. In a water-centered city, charter a boat and go for a cruise

7. Take a class of some kind (i.e. cooking class, dance class, etc.)

8. Find a Karaoke bar

9. Go out dancing

10. Plan the party in-home and have activities

Pro-tip #8: Know your guest of honor (the bride and/or groom) and plan accordingly! This party is ultimately a celebration for them, so plan activities that you know they will love!

What should be included in the budget?

The budget completely depends on what the host chooses to include. Since there are so many directions to take the bachelor/ette party, the overall budget and how the funds are allocated will vary drastically from one party to the next. Below are some typical things to consider budgeting for:

• Venue / overnight accommodation

• Travel / flight

• Meals

• Drinks

• Activities / excursions

• Decor

• Specific outfits (custom t-shirts, swimsuits, etc.)

• Transportation within the city

Pro-tip #9: Have an open and honest conversation about the budget with all attendees prior to planning anything. This can be a little awkward as oftentimes not all members of the bridal party know each other and they may have very different economic situations. Having this talk will be totally worth the potential uneasiness, though! It will alleviate a lot of tension down the road if everyone is in agreement about the budget from the beginning!

As an attendee, do I have to participate in everything?

Not everyone will have the same budget or interests and that is okay! Especially for multi day bachelor/ette parties. Whoever takes the lead on planning should communicate from the beginning that the activities planned should be interesting to the bride and/or groom. If someone is not interested or can’t afford to attend an activity, they don’t have to attend! 

If you are the one choosing to not attend an activity that everyone else is participating in, plan something else for yourself! You are on vacation, too, afterall! Be considerate, though! If you simply don’t like an activity, it’s best to go with the group anyway. The trip is about the bride and/or groom so being with them to celebrate is important. 

If you can’t afford an activity, let the other attendees know! There may be alternative plans that can be made. If the plans have already been made and you simply cannot swing it financially, that is okay! Plan something for yourself that you can afford, but do your best to meet up with everyone after the activity you’ve opted out of is complete.

If you, for any reason, have a strong aversion to the activity, skip it! You don’t have to let everyone know your reasoning, but if possible at least let the bride and/or groom know so they understand why you aren’t attending. Be very considerate with your timing and wording, though! The last thing anyone wants is a ruined surprise or guest of honor who is unable to enjoy an activity someone worked hard to plan!

How do I navigate planning a party with complete strangers?

As if group projects aren’t challenging enough, planning a bachelor/ette comes with its own unique set of tests. It is fairly common, especially in larger bridal parties, for attendees (now co-hosts in this case) to not know each other. Not knowing each other probably means communication will primarily be via email or text. Hopefully, all of this proves to be a non issue with your group! If you are concerned about heads butting, there are a couple proactive measures that can be taken to make cooperation as friendly and fun as possible.

First, introduce yourselves! Get to know one another! Taking the time to acknowledge each other and form your own foundation of acquaintanceship will keep a lot of the deeper conversations, like budget, more comfortable.

Second, as previously mentioned, discuss the budget and delegate the planning. These are the two most common causes for friction when planning. Getting ahead of these key factors will prevent a lot of issues!

Third, try not to pass judgement on the attendees you don’t know based on their written communication. It is hard to convey tone and emotion via text or email. Take this into consideration when communicating with a group, especially that includes people you don’t actually know. Remember, the guest of honor loves these people and you love the guest of honor so there is a good chance you will end up being friends in the end!

Fourth, if you find yourself, or even an entire subgroup, feeling thrown off by how someone is communicating, schedule a call! Oftentimes just speaking over the phone can alleviate some of the tension that may have built.

Fifth, try to avoid bringing any planning drama to the bride and/or groom. This is important for two main reasons. Number one, taking issues to the guest of honor can create a he-said, she-said situation that is generally bad vibes. Equally as important, no one wants to go into their bachelor/ette party feeling like there is tension in the air! That being said, the bride and/or groom is the common denominator, so some issues will be easier to resolve with their support. Before asking them to intervene, be sure it is a situation that truly needs their attention! 

Finally, HAVE FUN! You are planning a party (which is likely a full vacation)! This is a fun thing! If it becomes stressful for any reason, identify the problem and troubleshoot! No planning is being done? Initiate! Still nothing? Offer specific suggestions! Try to relax and enjoy the planning process! If all else fails, just remember ONE OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS IS GETTING MARRIED!! It is time to celebrate! If literally no one is doing literally anything despite your best attempts to engage them, plan a bachelor/ette getaway for just you and your guest of honor and leave the invitation open to everyone else; I guarantee once plans are set the others will join!

USEFUL LINKS:

https://www.bachtobasic.com Want to throw an incredible bachelorette party, but don’t have the time to plan? Let Bach to Basic do the planning for you!

https://misc-goods-co.com?ref=lX2K3 Use Promo Code WPLA_25 to save 25% on great gifts for your bridal party

https://flipsidez.com Use promo code WPLAW10 to save 10% on unique Bachelor/ette Party accessories and gifts!

All Things Bridal Party

Aren’t best friends great? They are there to offer love and support through all of life’s good, bad, and ugly moments. Having friends stand along side you on your wedding day is a beautiful symbol of this friendship. But there are often a lot of questions surrounding the bridal party. Here is some insight into all things bridal party.

This blog is divided into 7 sections:

1. Deciding what level of support you need from your bridal party

2. Asking your bridal party to be your bridal party

3. How to select bridal party wardrobe

4. Who should pay for what

5. What to delegate to the bridal party & managing your own expectations

6. Tips on keeping your bridal party happy

7. Bridal party gifts

Deciding what level of support you will need from your bridal party

Before asking your bridal party to be in your wedding, you will need to figure out what level of support you need from them. This is important for several reasons. First, you will need to let them know up front if you need a lot of support. Not everyone will have the time, money, or skills to offer that you may be in need of. Second, someone who has been in a wedding previously, may have their own preconceived notions about what being in a bridal party entails. This may be either more or less support than you are expecting, and you will want to be able to let them know right off the bat what being in your bridal party will be like.

If you are having a DIY wedding, having a lot of extra hands makes for less stress for you and often a lot of fun with the right bridal party. If you are planning to book an all inclusive venue, you won’t have as many projects and therefore won’t need as much support.

Typically the bridal party will plan your bachelor/bachelorette party and bridal shower. You should at least have a general idea of what you are wanting for these events. It is ideal to let your bridal party know upfront if you want to travel for your bachelor/bachelorette party so they can a) manage their own expectations b) plan accordingly and c) let you know upfront if they can afford the time and money this will require. While not being able to attend or financially contribute to this party shouldn’t count them out from your bridal party altogether, it will be easier on everyone involved if you know this upfront. The bridal shower, while typically a less expensive party, does still require some money from your bridal party and if you are wanting one, this is important to let them know upfront! Even if you don’t necessarily “require” one, they may still throw one for you, but the bridal party may feel less obligated to spend big on this party (that can either be a positive, negative, or neutral thing to you, depending on your expectation).

It is important to work through what you expect from your bridal party before asking them to be a part of your wedding so they can make an educated assessment of whether or not they would like to take on this role. Remember you are asking your friends to be in your wedding, not telling them. If someone says they can’t be a part of your wedding, don’t take it personally! This is easier said than done, but if someone can’t take on the expense and time, it will save you both heartache down the road if you give them to opportunity to make an informed decision from the get-go.

Did you know: According to a 2017 WeddingWire article the average cost of being a bridesmaid is $1,200. Keep this in mind when setting the expectation for your bridal party- and definitely keep this in mind if someone is hesitant to make the commitment to being in your bridal party!!

Asking your bridal party to be your bridal party

You can take many approaches to ask your bridal party to be in your wedding. It can be as simple as a phone call or as elaborate as you’d like! There is no shortage of ideas on Pinterest! If you like the idea of a gift, but aren’t up for creating something cutesy on your own, check out Etsy or Amazon! There are a lot of pre-made bridal party specific boxes, bags, etc. for both men and women that you can purchase to gift to your bridal party.

So when should you ask them? It is a good idea to give them as much notice as possible, for a few reasons. First, they want to be excited, too! Being a part of someone’s wedding is a huge honor and, frankly, a big validation of your level of friendship. Second, this will allow them time to financially prepare for the expense. Some people might need to save money for the events surrounding the wedding and their wedding attire. Enough notice will allow them ample time to prepare. Third, they have some planning of their own to do! As discussed later in this article, the bridal party plays a huge role in your bachelor/bachelorette party and bridal shower. The more time they have, the better they will be able to plan to the best of their ability.

How to select bridal party wardrobe

This can be a challenge for a lot of people, especially those with larger bridal parties. The more people you have in your wedding the more body types and financial situations you will need to take into account.

If you want all of your bridesmaids in the same dresses, take everyone’s body type into account. You want to pick a style and color that will be flattering on everyone. Besides the fact that these are your best friends and you want them to be comfortable and able to enjoy your wedding day, happy bridesmaids are smiling bridesmaids, and smiles look better in pictures.

There is a more recent trend of allowing your bridesmaids to pick their own dresses. Some people give no parameters and have the bridesmaids pick whatever they want. Some people give a color scheme and/or length requirements. Giving your bridal party some free reign will give everyone the opportunity to pick an outfit they feel confident wearing, in a price range that they feel comfortable with.

For shoes, keep in mind the type of venue you will be married at. If you are getting married in a chapel and having the reception at an indoor ballroom, no problem. Have the bridal party wear something they will be comfortable and look great in. If you are getting married at an outdoor venue with a lot of grass, dirt, or mulch avoid stilettos or anything they would have trouble walking in.

For suits, again, take budget and body type into consideration. If you have a lot of larger men, skip the slim fit suits. If you have a lot of people with tighter budgets, skip the $300 rental and go for the $150 purchase options!

Who should pay for what

This can be a tricky situation, but again, setting the expectation from the get-go will help alleviate any confusion or awkwardness around money down the road.

Wardrobe- Typically the bridal party will pay for their own dresses and suits. Some couples have it in their budget to cover everyone’s wardrobe, so they take care of this. That is awesome if you can, but if you can’t don’t sweat it. It is best to keep everyone’s financial situations in mind when selecting outfits, though. If the majority of your bridal party is working with tighter budgets, picking a dress and/or suit that is $300 is a quick way to create some resentment from your bridal party, especially when there are some amazing companies that offer beautiful, high quality dresses in the $50-$150 range and high quality suits in the $150-$250 range.

Bachelor/bachelorette parties- Typically the bridal party will pay for this. Even if you insist on paying for your part, it is best to plan as if the bridal party will refuse your money. Take this into consideration when giving them ideas of what you would like to do. Maybe they will take the money, maybe they won’t, either way, plan as if they won’t to avoid financially burdening anyone.

Bridal shower- This is a party for you, not by you. Typically either family, the bridal party, or both will put together this party. A bridal shower is when all, most, or some the womyn invited to your wedding come together and shower you with gifts. This can be as big or small as you like or the host(s) can afford. Since you are not personally throwing this party, the host(s) typically pay for this event.

Hair and makeup- General rule of thumb: if you require bridesmaids to have professional hair and makeup, you should pay for it. If you give them the option for professional hair and makeup, they can pay for it. If you are giving them the option, keep cost in mind when selecting a hair and makeup team. A bridesmaid who doesn’t excel at hair and/or makeup may refuse the service because it is too expensive.

What to delegate to the bridal party & managing your own expectations

You can delegate as much or as little as you’d like to the bridal party, but again, set this expectation when you ask them to be a part of your wedding. If you tell them you won’t need any support when you ask and then suddenly need 10+ hours of their time every week there is a good chance you will inspire a little resentment.

Read the feedback you get from your bridal party. If you have some one who is constantly asking how they can help, give them tasks! If you have someone who acts like you are asking a little too much of them, give them less to do! Try not to be offended if someone who said they would love to help suddenly isn’t able to or simply isn’t interested anymore. It can hurt a little when this happens, but you will end up stressing yourself and taking the fun away if you lean into those feelings too much. This is, of course, way easier said than done, but you will thank yourself later if you can accomplish this!

Play up people’s strengths. If you have a crafty bridesmaid, ask them to help with crafty things. If you have a thorough researcher in the group, have them do some research into a particular vendor or two. (Pro-tip: very clearly explain your vision and budget for these vendors so they don’t spend a lot of time and energy compiling options that aren’t what you’re looking for! Remember, you aren’t paying this person you definitely don’t want them to waste their time!). Have your musically inclined friend create your playlists. Playing up people’s strengths will give you better results overall and they are more likely to enjoy helping out!

Remember these are your best friends and they should be treated as such! These people love you and are happy to support you on your big day, but they are not hired help!

Tips on keeping Your bridal party happy

A happy bridal party is a helpful bridal party, so keeping them happy is key. Do this by making helping fun! Here are some ideas on how to accomplish this:

• Ask for help, don’t demand it. If they have the time and energy to help, great! If not, try not to be offended. Ask if a different project would be more up their alley, or if a different time would be better.

• Talk about things other than your wedding. If your whole relationship becomes just the wedding, they are going to get burnt out on it.

• Turn a craft or planning date into a wine or movie night!

• Positive reinforcement is always nice. Compliment their work, show appreciation, buy them dinner while they are helping, etc. They are offering valuable time and energy, for free. Remember, the things they are supporting you with are services you could pay someone else to do.

• Ask for their input, and take it to heart. You may not ultimately go with their ideas, but listening to their thoughts will show you value their opinion. Providing the opportunity to express ideas and opinions throughout the planning process makes everyone feel more involved and therefore care more!

Bridal party gifts

Show your gratitude, not just for their support with the wedding, but for their continued love and support throughout your life! If you don’t have a ton of money to spend, that is okay! There is no set or standard amount to spend. So whether you have $0 or $1000 don’t forget to show your bridal party some love!

Bridesmaids gifts- In a world of Pinterest there is no shortage of inspiration for bridesmaids gifts! A common trend is the gift baskets or bags. Pre-made baskets or bags can be purchased from Etsy or Amazon, but you can always make your own, too! These baskets can include anything you think your gals will love, but some of the common favorites have been robes to wear while getting ready, jewelry to wear at your wedding (earrings, bracelets, and/or necklaces), ring pops (sooo inexpensive, cute sentiment, and fun), and personalized champagne flutes or water bottles. Spa themed boxes are also cute and simple to assemble! With a few multi packs of face masks and bath bombs from Marshall’s, an eye mask from Etsy, and a scented candle the gifts are complete! They can cost as low as $10 each and the ladies will be ecstatic!

Groomsmen gifts- We have all seen the personalized flasks and shot glasses, and while these are awesome, there are so many other great options out there! Ties are quite pricey, consider taking care of the cost for the guys by including their tie for your wedding in a gift box along with other items such as whiskey, engraved watches (definitely a more expensive option, but so cool!), personalized key chains, pint glasses (can be personalized, blank, or say “groomsman”), or special or personalized cufflinks.

The most important part of any gift is a heartfelt note. Express why you are grateful for these lovely people and how their presence has impacted your life! If you are on a tighter budget, personalized notes can serve as your entire token of appreciation! It is just nice to let people know they are valued and their love is reciprocated!

These gifts are typically given during the bachelor/bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinner, and/or on the wedding day.

Pro-tip #1: If you are creating a basket or bag, collect items over time to avoid a big chunk of expense at once. Collecting over time also allows you to select items that are meaningful instead of just sifting through the internet and purchasing random items over the span of a day or two.

Pro-tip #2: No matter when your wedding is, be sure to check out Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals for bridal party gifts!

Some useful links to gifts I love (Last updated 4/7/20):

Inexpensive/good quality robe link (allow up to 60 days for delivery): https://www.aliexpress.com/item/32663276771.html?spm=a2g0o.productlist.0.0.a7e4545aPgmntu&algo_pvid=66e4c635-5b8a-4328-8a25-1f7a3dbf8f5c&algo_expid=66e4c635-5b8a-4328-8a25-1f7a3dbf8f5c-0&btsid=21cf40e7-f794-478d-8e42-f7804bfb7ff8&ws_ab_test=searchweb0_0,searchweb201602_7,searchweb201603_52

Personalized Champagne Flutes (inexpensive, but plastic):

https://www.etsy.com/listing/618495701/set-of-7-personalized-flutes-name-and?ref=yr_purchases

Personalized Eyemask:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/593636412/eye-masks-funny-hangover-gift-custom?ref=yr_purchases 

Ties:

https://www.daziusa.com/

https://www.bows-n-ties.com/

Personalized cuff links:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/697865633/customized-cufflinks-personalized?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=cufflinks+personalized&ref=sr_gallery-1-3&pro=1&col=1

https://www.etsy.com/listing/257203258/personalized-round-gunmetal-cufflinks?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=cufflinks+personalized&ref=sc_gallery-1-3&plkey=db63e26614ab6c6accb06ebbd35ecaa6633b9e8b%3A257203258&pro=1

USEFUL LINKS:

https://www.bachtobasic.com Want to throw an incredible bachelorette party, but don’t have the time to plan? Let Bach to Basic do the planning for you!

https://misc-goods-co.com?ref=lX2K3 Use Promo Code WPLA_25 to save 25% on great gifts for your bridal party

https://flipsidez.com Use promo code WPLAW10 to save 10% on unique Bachelor/ette Party accessories and gifts!