Rehearsal Dinner Planning Guide

Wedding day is right around the corner! A ceremony rehearsal is almost always necessary in order to get the bridal party and family members on the same page about how the ceremony, and the day as a whole, will run. This time is a great opportunity to share the timeline, ceremony details, and other pertinent information that you won’t want to spend time explaining on the actual wedding day. 

Rehearsal dinner usually immediately follows the ceremony rehearsal and is typically the final gathering of friends and family prior to the big day. Below is a planning guide to help you manage the who, what, when, where, why, and how of this event. Follow this guide or share it with the event host for a smooth rehearsal dinner planning experience! 

What is the purpose of rehearsal dinner?

This event is intended to gather your bridal party and immediate family in an intimate setting before the big day. Oftentimes family or bridal party members travel for your wedding and/or take time away from work or other obligations to attend the rehearsal and celebrate your love. This is an opportunity to show thanks for all that your bridal party and family have done for you!

When should the rehearsal dinner take place?

Rehearsal dinner typically occurs directly following the ceremony rehearsal. This means that it will take place either the night before or a few days prior to your wedding. While it is called “rehearsal dinner” it doesn’t necessarily have to be a dinner. If you host the rehearsal earlier in the day, it can be a rehearsal brunch or lunch. If you want something a little less formal you can have a rehearsal “happy hour” or something similar that implies a gathering that doesn’t necessarily include a full meal.

Pro-tip #1: Know your friends and plan accordingly. If you have a bridal party that likes to drink heavily, host the event two days before your wedding instead of the night before. No one wants a hungover bridal party on their wedding day! If this isn’t an option, limit the alcohol provided to wine and beer only.

Example rehearsal dinner planning timeline-

6 months prior to the wedding- 

Create a guest list for the rehearsal dinner

Decide on the general “feel” for your rehearsal dinner (formal, casual, something in between?)

Contact ceremony venue and confirm rehearsal date

Find & book a venue to host the dinner

3 months prior to the wedding-

Consider how you want to invite your guests to rehearsal dinner

Order invitations if necessary

2 months prior to the wedding- 

Send out invitations to rehearsal dinner (send these sooner if a lot of guests are traveling so they can book travel arrangements accordingly!)

1 month prior to the wedding-

Find decor for rehearsal dinner

Select attire for rehearsal dinner

1 day(ish) prior to the wedding- 

Host ceremony rehearsal

Host rehearsal dinner

Who hosts the rehearsal dinner?

Traditionally the groom’s parents take on this task, but the host can be anyone, and completely depends on your situation. If the groom’s parents aren’t able to host- or if you have two brides-, it can be the bride’s parents, other relatives, or even yourselves! The bridal party doesn’t typically take charge of this event, since the event is intended as a “thank you” for them. 

How should I invite people?

As always, there are no set rules. Sending formal invitations by mail is great if you have the time and wiggle room in the budget, but not necessary by any means! Many other wedding blogs and older generations would strongly disagree with me on this, though, so be prepared for a host coming from an older generation to find formal invitations necessary. Since the guest list is typically just those absolutely closest to you, invitations can easily be sent via email, Facebook, or even a quick text!

No matter how you choose to spread word about the party, the invitations do not need to be as formal as the wedding invitations. These invitations also do not need to be a reflection of your wedding design in any way, though they usually do incorporate aspects of your wedding design. You, or the host, can pick whatever aesthetic makes you all happy!

Pro-tip #2: If you and your host disagree on how invitations should be sent, choosing to mail more casual invitations with bright colors and fun fonts can be a good compromise!

Pro-tip #3: Take this one with a grain of salt, but… pick and choose your battles. There will probably be plenty of opinions coming your way about the wedding that you will need to navigate. If the host of this event feels really strongly about the invitations, this may not be the hill to die on. 

Who should be invited?

Who you invite depends on the overall feel you are going for. Typically it is just your immediate family and anyone who is walking down the aisle (in other words, any one who needs to attend the ceremony rehearsal). 

Here is a general outline of who is typically invited:

• Your bridal party AND a guest*

  *Not everyone has to have a guest. If they have traveled out of town with a “plus one” to your wedding, that person is usually invited to the rehearsal dinner. If you are good friends with their significant other, that person should be invited. If they are scrolling through Tinder and find someone they’d like to invite... you DEFINITELY don’t need to invite them. 

• Your immediate families (if your relationship with them allows for this)

• If the host has a larger budget and you have a large wedding guest list (usually applicable if 250+), occasionally extended family who traveled from out of town will be invited too. If you invite your out of town extended family, most people will include their in town relatives as well.

What information should the invitations include?

As always, names, date, location, and time will need to be included on the invitation. The host should also specify what kind of refreshments can be expected (appetizers only, full dinner, hosted bar, BYOB, no alcohol, etc.) Be sure to include the time and location of the actual ceremony rehearsal, too!

The rehearsal dinner host may also want to include their name and that is totally fine! People will often word the invites “The parents/aunt/cousin/friend/etc. of X invite you to the wedding rehearsal of their daughter/son/other to [Fiance name here] [list time and location]. Dinner to follow [list time and location].”

Information at a glance:

• Bride(s) & Groom(s) names

• Date

• Ceremony rehearsal time

• Ceremony rehearsal location

• “Dinner to follow at……”

• Rehearsal dinner time

• Rehearsal dinner location

Who should pay for the rehearsal dinner?

The cost of the rehearsal dinner typically will fall on the host. This varies on a case by case basis depending on financial situations. Some hosts may ask you to pay for a portion of the rehearsal dinner. If you cannot afford to fund any portion of the party, let the host know, and suggest a more casual or smaller rehearsal dinner to accommodate their budget! Much like the actual wedding, budget isn’t what defines the day. The most important aspect is celebrating your love while surrounded by the people who mean the most to you and your fiance! (See the end of blog for full example budget breakdowns.)

Where should the rehearsal dinner be hosted?

The rehearsal dinner can be hosted in any location, it will just depend on the size of the guest list, access to space, and budget. While the event can be as formal or informal as the host would like, they are usually hosted at a restaurant near the wedding venue. Choosing a private room in a restaurant can often be less expensive since so much will be included (i.e. in house catering, tables, chairs, flatware, plates, napkins, drinkware, bar, centerpieces, etc.) If a restaurant is not in the budget, a casual backyard get together is not out of the norm!

Pro-tip #4: Since the ceremony rehearsal usually takes place at the ceremony venue, it is most convenient for guests if rehearsal dinner is held at a restaurant or other location nearby. 

What should we do at the rehearsal dinner?

Eat, drink, and socialize! The rehearsal is a great opportunity to distribute gifts to the bridal party and family. It is also the perfect time to allow bridal party members who will not be giving toasts at the wedding to give a quick speech!

Is a full meal expected at the rehearsal dinner?

YES! This does not mean you have to include one, but if you do not plan to serve a full dinner, communicate that with your guests so they can plan accordingly.

Rehearsals are typically a nicer meal, but that doesn’t mean yours has to be! A backyard BBQ or quick pizza party is completely acceptable! If the host wants to go all out and provide a full 5 course, sit down dinner, that is fine, too. As long as they are paying for it, and you are comfortable with it, there are no right or wrong answers as to what should be served.

What should be included in the budget?

This completely depends on what the budget allows for and what the host chooses to include! Below are some typical things to consider budgeting for:

• Venue

• Catering

• Tables, chairs, plates, cups, flatware, napkins, etc. 

• Bar

• Cake/dessert

• Invitations

• Decor

• Miscellaneous 

Of course there are endless approaches to maximize any budget! Below are 3 example budgets for rehearsal dinners.

Example 1 (the “bells and whistles” example)- overall budget $9k

40 guests, 2.5 hour party

Party Planner- $850

Venue- Nice Restaurant (includes tables, chairs, plates, flatware, cups, and food)- @ $100/person = $4,000

Bar (through venue- beer, wine, & top shelf liquor)- @ $30/person = $1,200

Photographer- $500

Music/entertainment (Live guitarist & singer)- $600

Cake from speciality bakery (2 tier 6” base, 4” top tier)- $450

Invitations (mailed invitations, w/ stamps & envelopes)- @$5/household = $90

Decor- $1,300

1 large balloon display $200

Florist (garland runners for tables & 2 accent pieces)- $1,000

Signage (welcome sign, seating chart, place cards, etc.)- $150

TOTAL: $8,995

Example 2 (the “mid range” example)- overall budget $2k

40 guests, 2.5 hour party

Venue- mid range restaurant (includes tables, chairs, plates, flatware, cups, and food)- @ $30/person = $1,200

Bar (through venue- beer & wine only)- @ $15/person = $600

Music/entertainment (restaurant music)- FREE

Dessert provided by restaurant, included in per person cost- NO EXTRA FEE

Invitations (mailed invitations, w/ stamps & envelopes)- @$2/household = $60

Decor- $65

DIY Trader Joe’s flowers 4 bushels @ $5/each- $20

Dollar tree vases, 5 @ $1/each = $5

Signage (enlarged poster of engagement pic, printed at Costco)- $40

TOTAL: $1,922

Example 3 (the “ballin’ on a budget” example)- overall budget $350

40 guests, 2.5 hour party

Venue (backyard) - FREE

Catering (pizza party! 10 pizzas @ $13/each + tip)- $150

Tables & chairs (use friend’s folding tables & chairs, buy dollar tree table covers)- $10

Plates, plasticware, and drinkware (use disposable- comes with pizza)- FREE

Bar (6 cases of beer @$15/each)- $90

Music (make playlist and set up your own speaker)- FREE

Cake/dessert (single tier, local grocer)- $35

Invitations (Send out email or create Facebook event)- FREE

Decor- $50

DIY Flowers (Trader Joe’s flowers) 5 bushels @ $5/bushel = $25

Dollar store vases 1 per table @$1/each = $8

Candles & dollar tree candle votives (2 per table)- $2/each = $16

TOTAL: $335

As you can see, the third example can easily decrease in price by only offering BYOB, cutting out all decor, skipping dessert and/or ordering cheaper pizza. Basically this is all to say, no budget is too small!

Save the Dates, Invitations, and a bit on RSVPs

Sending out Save the Dates and Invitations are SUCH fun parts of wedding planning. For so many people this is the first step that makes everything feel real. Soak in these vital steps, and feel confident you are doing it right by reading the information below!

Before reading on, here are two super useful tips!

Pro-tip #1: A common mistake people make is ordering for guest count instead of household.

Mistake: ordering 250 invitations for 250 guests

Pro planning: ordering 1 invitation per household (i.e average household 3 people/house: 250 divided by 3 = ~83 Save the Dates and invitations)

Pro-tip #2: Order extra! You may want to invite additional people and you will probably want one for keepsake. While you still don’t need to order one for every single guest, rounding up is always good in case you make new friends, have people drop out that you want to replace, or just want a few extra for your own (or parents, family, close friends, etc.) keepsake! Another huge pro to this- the big name stationary sites base their discounts on round numbers, so ordering 100 vs. 84 will end up being less expensive.

Mistake- Ordering 84 save the dates/invitations for ~83 households.

Pro planning: Ordering 100 save the dates/invitations for ~83 house holds.

Save the Dates

Save the Dates are a great way to mentally prepare your guests for your upcoming wedding. You might not have all the details like time, location, attire, meal plan, etc. hammered out, but a Save the Date will let guests know the most basic information about the wedding to plan for. While these are helpful with communicating this information to guests, they do add some cost to your wedding and aren’t necessary for every situation.

When are Save the Dates REALLY needed?

Save the Dates can be useful for every wedding, but you don’t HAVE to have them for any wedding. If you are tight on money, time, or simply just don’t want them you can skip them altogether. Save the Dates are most useful when planning either a destination wedding or when planning a wedding where most of your guests will be traveling. In a situation where guests will need to be traveling it is useful to let everyone know ahead of time. Save the Dates allow guests the opportunity to save money/sent money aside for travel and gifts, communicate with work, and plan for childcare (if necessary).

When should I send my Save the Dates out?

Save the Dates can be sent whenever you have solidified a date and location. You can technically send them before a venue is booked if you are 100% positive of the city and date the wedding will be held, but it is best to send them once the venue is booked. Couples will often fall in love with a venue that isn’t available on their desired date, so they change the date to accommodate the venue. If the date you have chosen means a lot to you and you are positive you will be selecting a venue based on the date and not the other way around, go ahead and send the Save the Dates!

If you are having a lot of out of town guests or planning a destination wedding Save the Dates ideally will be sent a full year in advance. If your wedding is more intimate and still requires a majority of guests to travel, Save the Dates should be sent in the 6-8 month prior range, if possible. If you are planning a more intimate wedding in a shorter time span it may be more efficient to skip the Save the Dates, touch base personally with guests to give them a heads up, and send invitations a little sooner than you would typically.

What is the latest I should send a Save the Date?

This, again, will vary depending on the situation. The absolute latest in any situation that you should send a Save the Date is 2 months out from the wedding (and this still only works for a really intimate wedding with short planning period). For a larger wedding this deadline should be by the 4 month mark. For a larger travel heavy wedding this deadline should be 5 months out. If you can’t make this deadline, skip the Save the Dates altogether and just send an invitation. Even for an intimate wedding, 2 months would be cutting it pretty close. Keep in mind, you will need to confirm with the venue and caterers the final headcount about a month prior to the wedding so you need to have time for people to receive their Save the Date and invitation and then RSVP.

What information should my Save the Dates include?

Save the Dates are just a quick, formal heads up to guests that you will be hosting a wedding on a particular date in a certain city. At minimum the Save the Date should include your names, date, and city. A lot of couples will build a wedding website and include that on the Save the Date as well. Even if the wedding website isn’t 100% completed (and frankly at this point it probably won’t be) providing the link will give guests a resource to check in to for more information as it is made available. If you have your venue locked in you can also include this in the Save the Date.

What should my Save the Dates look like?

Like everything else with a wedding, this completely depends on what you want. A common trend is for people to use a photo from their engagement session as the background of their Save the Date. Another common trend is for people to make their Save the Dates magnets so people can keep them on their fridge or somewhere convenient to find the information.

Invitations

What information should I include in my invitations?

Invitations should be a quick snapshot of all the vital information guests need to know in order to show up to the right place at the right time on the right day. They should include the who, what, when, where, and why of the day (not necessarily in that order). Include both the bride(s) and/or groom(s) names. If someone other than yourselves are paying for a chunk, the majority, or all of the wedding it is common to word your invitation: “X and X invite you to the wedding of their [son/daughter/other- name] to [fiance name here].” The name and address of the venue is vital. They will also need to know what time to arrive. If you have a wedding website you can include the website and let people know that they can RSVP and find more info there. If you don’t have a wedding website, you’ll need to include an RSVP card and pre-stamped envelope for guests to send back. You’ll also need to include a meal card if necessary, attire expectation (even if super casual, let them know!! No one wants to show up in a ball gown when everyone else is in sun dresses!), whether kids are invited or not, hotel block information (even if you don’t have a room block, they will need to know!), transportation accommodations, and information on events surrounding the wedding (pre-wedding welcome event, after wedding brunch etc.). Again, if you have a wedding website, you can list all of this info on the website and have your invite include just the very basics.

Pro-tip: directing guests to a wedding website for more info is a great option if possible. You can update information as plans evolve, include an FAQ page so guests can refer to this instead of having everyone individually reach out to you with questions, and, last but certainly not least, you can have your registry on your website so when guests visit to RSVP they can conveniently purchase a gift.

What should my invitations look like?

Again, the aesthetics of the invitations completely depend on your taste. If possible, it is ideal to have your invitations aesthetic inline with your wedding. Chose colors, shapes, and fonts that are relatively similar to those that will be at your wedding. This will help with a few things. First, this will give guests an idea of what to expect. It can set the tone of formality and give them an idea into color scheme. If you don’t want people to dress in the same colors as your bridal party or vice versa, let them know! Either way, invitations are a great ay to start communicating what those colors will be. Second, photographers love to capture your invitation as a prop on the wedding day. Having this match the overall aesthetic will create for some more cohesive pictures. Again, this is just a suggestion. It is your wedding and there are no rules; do literally whatever you want.

When should I send my invitations?

This will vary depending on a few factors. Some things to consider: when do you need to confirm numbers with the caterer and venue? How many people will be traveling for your wedding? How many people are you inviting (the more people you invite, the more people you will need to track down to confirm RSVP status!!)? For reference, for an average wedding of 150 guests with 33% traveling domestically, you should send the invitations out 2.5 months prior to the wedding, with the RSVP date 1-1.5 months prior to the wedding depending on catering and venue requirements.

When should I have guests RSVP by?

For your own sake, it is best to set the RSVP date at least 1 month prior to your date. Guest count will alter your seat/table count, plate count, party favor count, etc. Never have I ever been a part of a wedding of any size where 100% of the guests RSVP on time on their own without a nudge. Giving yourself some extra time will help alleviate some of the planning that just can’t be done until the final headcount is in. While a month is the minimum, I highly recommend giving yourself at least 1.5 months so you have a full 2 weeks to track people down and get all RSVPs. If you are having a wedding with over 250 guests, give yourself a full 2 months. Even if you are having a wedding of 1,000 don’t give yourself more than 2 months, though. Expectedly, things happen in our guests lives and anything longer than 2 months will allow for too many unforeseeable variables in guests lives and you’ll have to do a lot of adjusting as people’s plans change.

Some great resources to purchase your Save the Dates and/or invitations

There are plenty of boutique vendors that can create incredible custom pieces for you. Everyone will have a different niche aesthetic. If you are looking for something on the less niche and more affordable end check out the following:

www.vistaprint.com

Why I love them- you can really create whatever look you are going for. There are some preset templates you can use if you are ~creatively challenged~ or you can fully customize your own cards if you’re into DIYing the design. Their prints are consistent and good quality. Another huge plus, they are CHEAP.

Pro-tip- Google discount codes before ordering! They are almost ALWAYS running a special. If you can’t find one, create an account BEFORE creating your cards. Save your design and then sit back and wait. Within a week they will email you a discount code.

www.minted.com

Why I love them- Their designs are lovely, their prints are consistent, and they give my clients a discount. Use my code: WEDPLLA for 35% off Save the Dates and 25% off all wedding things.

www.basicinvite.com

Why I love them- My very favorite thing about this site is they offer clear invitations for about $1 each. The next least expensive clear option I have found is $8/each. The price is unbeatable. They offer plenty of other designs or fully customizable blank slate options as well. The prints are consistent and good quality. They allow you to fully customize the invitations and Save the Dates.

Pro-tip- look for discount codes! They aren’t as common as Vistaprint discount codes, but their prices are already lower so it balances out. It is still worth looking for a code though!

Have additional questions? Feel free to reach out via email! theweddingplannerla@gmail.com

As always, happy planning!!