Preparing and Planning Your Wedding Ceremony
Your wedding ceremony is the start to your married life. This is what guests are here to celebrate! Follow this guide to make sure your ceremony is the perfect beginning to your wedding celebration and life as a married couple!
This guide is divided into 3 sections:
Writing your wedding ceremony
Walking order for the ceremony
A series of Pro-tips on things to consider when planning your ceremony
Your wedding ceremony is the start to your married life. This is what guests are here to celebrate! Follow this guide to make sure your ceremony is the perfect beginning to your wedding celebration and life as a married couple!
This guide is divided into 3 sections:
Writing your wedding ceremony
Walking order for the ceremony
A series of Pro-tips on things to consider when planning your ceremony
Writing your wedding ceremony
Typically the person officiating your wedding will prepare the wedding ceremony, but there are plenty of reasons you may need to create your own. When it comes to writing a wedding ceremony, there are very few rules. The only piece you absolutely need is an exchange of some sort of committal statement that both parties involved in the marriage recite. This is the “Do you X, take X to be your lawfully wedded...“ part of the ceremony. Even this part can be customized, but there are a few basic sentiments that need to be included.The rest is completely up to you!
A standard flow to a wedding ceremony is as follows:
Guests asked to take their seats (usually about 5-10 minutes prior to the ceremony start time, depending on how many guests you are expecting)
Everyone participating in the ceremony is lined up (usually this includes the wedding party, immediate family, flower girl, ring bearer, bride(s), and/or groom(s)- (the order everyone walks in will be discussed in the next section of this guide).
The processional starts (this is the music that everyone will walk down the aisle to) and everyone enters in their pre-discussed order to their predetermined locations
Everyone except the bride and her escort(s) (if she chooses to have any) are in their places, whether it be seats or at the altar
The bride and her escort(s) walk down the aisle
The officiant welcomes & thanks everyone in attendance
(in a religious ceremony) the officiant leads a prayer.
The officiant introduces themself & describes their significance in the ceremony (they may describe their friendship with the bride(s) and/or groom(s), their role as a religious leader, what qualifies them to lead this ceremony, etc.)
The officiant tells a personal anecdote about the bride(s) and/or groom(s) (This can be anything! Sometimes it is a story of how the couple met, a description of a common theme throughout their relationship, a funny story they shared with the officiant, etc.)
Words of wisdom are offered to the couple (this can either be advice coming directly from the officiant, a reading- religious or other- by a friend or family member, or a meaningful song either played or performed live by a musician or friend/family member, etc.)
Special ceremonies typically occur next if they occur at all (i.e. sand ceremony, cord ceremony, candle lighting ceremony, glass ceremony, etc.)
The couple will exchange vows (this can be standard vows or personal vows prepared by the couple)
The couple exchanges rings (this is the “I Do’s” part!)
Final closing thoughts from the officiant (this can be a closing prayer, well wishes to the couple, etc.)
The pronouncement of the marriage (“I now pronounce you…”)
The kiss
The recessional music begins (exit song) and the couple exits together
Once the couple is all the way back up the aisle the bridal party follows them
Following the bridal party’s exit, the ushers will escort immediate family members up the aisle
Once all family members are back up the aisle, the officiant announces that guests are released and gives direction on what to do next (head to cocktail hour, leave for the reception venue, pose for a group picture, etc.)
While this is a common ceremony flow, you can choose to rearrange this however you want. Certain religions will have additional traditions incorporated throughout the ceremony. Some people will choose to have multiple readings and/or performances spread out throughout their ceremony while other couples choose to exclude many pieces listed here. As long as you exchange promises in some sort of ceremonial format, the marriage is legal and the rest is up to you!
Walking order for the ceremony
Depending on how formal your wedding is, how extensive the guest list is, your relationship with your family members, and who you each choose to escort you down the aisle (if you choose to have anyone at all), your ceremony walking order can be anything! Some couples choose to only have themselves walk down the aisle, others choose to include all of their “VIP” guests. Plenty of people choose to have something in between. There are no wrong answers as long as you, your fiance, and the officiant end up at the altar!
The most standard walking order is as follows:
Entrance (procession)-
All guests seated
Immediate family like grandparents, parents of the bride(s) and/or groom(s) who won’t be escorting their to-be-married child down the aisle, and siblings who aren’t in the bridal party walk first (typically the siblings who aren’t in the bridal party will escort the parents who aren’t walking their to-be-married child down the aisle.) If any of these people need assistance walking or don’t wish to walk alone, you can assign ushers to escort them to their seats.
Officiant
Groom & mother (or Bride #1 and escort)
Bridesmaids and groomsmen
Maid/Matron of Honor & Best Man
Flower girl & ring bearer (depending on how many of each you have, they may walk together or separately)
Bride & father (or Groom #2 and escort)
Exit (recession)-
Newly weds
Wedding party in the reverse order from which they entered (after newly weds have completely exitted)
Immediate family with ushers/escorts
Officiant & guests (after the officiant makes an announcement for guests to leave)
A series of Pro-Tips on things to consider when planning your ceremony
List the guest arrival time on your wedding invitations 30 minutes prior to the actual ceremony start time. Some guests are punctual, others not so much. Don’t risk latecomers walking in during your ceremony and causing a disruption. If you are worried about the punctual guests being punished for being on time, a simple solution is to prepare some entertainment! Have music already playing to create some atmosphere and provide water, alcoholic drinks, snacks, games, a guest book, etc. to entertain them!
Write your vows down! No matter how much you practice or how confident you are in your memorization skills, write them out and keep a copy handy. When the time comes, you may not need them at all, but it is always better to be safe than sorry!
Write your vows on notecards. Writing vows on a phone or large piece of paper is a recipe for distraction. Keeping track of a phone before the ceremony is not fun. Other notifications may be distracting when it comes time to pull your phone out. Also, with a phone getting to the vows may be a little difficult! Nerves tend to make for shaky hands which is incredibly apparent if you brought a large, floppy piece of paper. A side effect of trembling paper is becoming hyper aware of how nervous you are when you see the page shake, which can make you more nervous! Even if nerves don’t get to you, wind might! A large piece of paper blowing around in the breeze can create a crinkling noise that is easily picked up by a microphone. Another downside to large sheets of paper is how easy it is to lose your place when reading from them. Big pages are a no no! Notecards allow you the opportunity to write big enough to keep your place, minimize distractions, and avoid obviously trembling.
Write two copies of your vows and hand a backup copy to someone responsible. With so much going on the morning of your wedding, forgetting something as small in size but incredibly vital as your wedding vows can happen. Prepare a back up copy and give it to the officiant, wedding planner, or member of the bridal party just in case!
Save your family seats. Most guests know not to sit in the front few rows of your ceremony space, but there is always one or two who don’t think about it. Make sure the people who matter most have a clear view from a front row seat! This can be done either by having reserved seat signs placed on their designated chairs, or tying a ribbon with a reserved sign across the chairs intended for family. Have your wedding planner or day-of coordinator keep an eye on those seats prior to the ceremony just in case any guests miss the memo!
Let your family know where they are supposed to sit. Even if you aren’t designating “mine and yours” sides for guests to sit during the ceremony, designate sides for the immediate family members, especially if they are walking down the aisle! This will expedite the seating process for them and alleviate any confusion once they reach the front of the ceremony area. Make sure to let them know during ceremony rehearsal where they are supposed to sit!
Consider the ceremony space and assign sides for family members accordingly. In some spaces, if your family sits on the side that you stand they won’t be able to see your face! If this is the case, have them sit on the opposite side so they get a clear view of all those beautiful emotions you are going through!
Talk with your wedding party about where and how to stand throughout the ceremony. This is what rehearsals are for! Well, not just this, but this should definitely be discussed during the rehearsal! Let your wedding party know where to stand, what angle to stand, where to hold bouquets (belly button height), etc. so the guests have a clear view and the pictures look uniform and beautiful!
Talk with the Maid/Matron of honor about adjusting the bride once she gets to the altar. The maid/matron of honor will need to fluff the bride’s dress once she settles into her standing space for the ceremony. She will also need to retrieve the bride’s bouquet when it comes time to exchange vows and rings! If there is a veil, the maid/matron of honor can also adjust this so the bride looks polished and photo ready throughout the ceremony. This is another great thing to address while running through the ceremony rehearsal!
Make sure the MC or officiant makes an announcement for guests to sit close. If you have a large ceremony area that will accommodate a guest list much larger than yours, have all of the guests move in closer prior to the ceremony starting. Not only will this give everyone a better view, it will also translate to pictures better!
Some venues have restrictions on where your photographer can take pictures from. To avoid any last minute surprises, talk with your venue about any rules and restrictions they have in regards to photography. Typically only certain religious places of worship (and even then, usually only during certain times of year) are likely to have restrictions on photography.
Your officiant will be in a lot of your ceremony pictures, so their attire is important. Not only will they be in a lot of pictures, but they will stand front and center for all guests to see! Make sure they plan to wear something professional yet simple so they don’t take too much attention away from you.
Your officiant needs to MOVE IT when it comes time for the kiss. Communicate with your officiant about quickly sliding to the side, and taking their microphone stand with them, when it comes time for the kiss and your exit from the ceremony.
Make sure whoever is in charge of your music knows all of the important cues. Discuss prior to your wedding day with the person who will be in charge of ceremony music. Let them know the signal for changing the processional songs and let them know the very last thing the officiant will say so they can use this as a cue for playing the recessional song.
Let your family and ushers know the exit strategy. Some pairs will need to change so everyone needs to know who they will enter and exit with. They will also need to know when they are supposed to leave. Occasionally the officiant will dismiss the family, but usually the family begins exiting without a formal prompt following the ceremony.
Make sure someone is lined up to make two very important announcements to guests. Guests need to be asked to take their seats and released at the end of the ceremony by someone! This can either be the officiant or the MC. Make sure the person knows they are in charge of making this announcement, when to make the announcements, and is ready to provide clear instructions on where guests should go next.
Have a game plan for yourself after the ceremony. A common oversight is a predetermined space for the newly weds and wedding party to retreat to after the ceremony concludes. Map out a space beforehand so everyone knows the plan!
Set some time aside for yourselves directly following the ceremony. After the ceremony, if possible, carve out 5-15 minutes and a secluded space where just you and your new husband or wife can be alone to process the ceremony together. The rest of the day will be a whirlwind so giving yourself the gift of peace and quiet for even just a few moments makes a big difference in how you remember the ceremony!
Ask your wedding planner, bartender, and/or caterer to have some snacks set aside for you in your hideaway space. Typically wedding party portraits and/or family portraits directly follow the ceremony, which leave you with little to no time to snack and have a drink. Ask your vendors to prepare something for you to enjoy while you take your 5-15 minute processing time so you can keep your energy level up! Make sure they give you some water, too!
Wedding Details Checklist (Did You Get it All?)
Remembering and organizing the details of a wedding is the cause of wedding stress for so many couples. Ease your brain by running through this list of questions to make sure you have everything organized and on track with your wedding planning!
There are so many small details that can seem incidental when wedding planning, but planning through the details in advance is the difference between the day running incredibly smoothly and potentially hitting some hiccups. Use the list of questions below to make sure your day is set up to flow as seamlessly as possible!
This list is intended to be referenced throughout planning, but is most useful in the 1-2 month period before your wedding. The larger details, like selecting vendors, and the little aspects that come with them will not be included in this list. Instead, this list focuses on the smaller details that are easily and commonly over looked in the final two months of planning!
This list is divided into sections in order to organize the chaos. The list will start with logistics and then move through the timeline of your day.
Note: all of our clients receive a personalized & even more comprehensive version of this list that we will go over together to ensure all details have been accounted for.
LOGISTICS:
Have you purchased Day-of Event Insurance? Hint: Many venues require this! This is different from full wedding planning insurance! Learn more about wedding insurance here!
Who is keeping an eye on restrooms throughout your wedding (i.e. stocking, cleaning, & managing if something goes array)?
Are there dumpsters at your wedding venue? Are there trash cans at your wedding venue? Who is in charge of trash removal?
How are your guests getting to and from the venue? If they’re driving, where will they park? Is it clear or will you need signs?
How are you and your fiancé getting to and from the venue? Pro-tip: if you aren’t booking shuttles, party buses, limos, or any other sort of professional service, book an Uber/Lyft in advance for a smooth getaway!
Are doing “old, new, borrowed, and blue” items do you know what they are? If so, will these items be coming to the venue with you, or will someone else bring them?
If you have gotten your fiancé a gift or card, when will you give this to them?
Check the weather! Do you need any last minute climate control (i.e a tent, umbrellas for sunny days, or space heaters)?
If you purchased your own decorations, how will they get to the venue? Who will set them up?
Do you have signs to mark areas or communicate important messages? How will the signs be displayed (do you have easels, are they in frames, can they stand on their own)? Do you need garlands or other touches to dress up any signs? Are these ordered?
Do you have a guest book? Do you have pens for the guest book?
Do you have a card box? Pro-tip: beautiful is good, secure is great, beautiful and secure is the best!
If people have gifted you decor/essential items, when will these items be arriving? Pro-tip: gifts are great! Make sure that whoever is delivering them will arrive in plenty of time for the gifted items to be set up!
Do you have a timeline that you sent to vendors?
Who will be making sure the timeline is running according to plan throughout the event?
Have you applied for your marriage license? Pro-tip: in California, you can apply for a marriage license up to 90 days in advance! Be sure to schedule your appointment to apply early!
Is the “cards and gifts” table going to be visible throughout the wedding? If not, do you want the cards hidden away at some point? Pro-tip: it is always a good idea to hide away cards and card boxes after cocktail hour!
Will someone need to move the cards and gifts to the reception area? Who will do this?
If you are going somewhere other than home after the wedding have you packed your overnight bag?
How will the overnight bag(s) get to your hotel?
GETTING READY:
Where are you and your fiance getting ready?
Who are you each getting ready with?
How will everyone be arriving to their respective getting ready locations?
If people are driving, will they be able to leave their car overnight?
If you are getting ready somewhere other than your home have you packed a bag?
Did you include:
Deodorant
Emergency makeup
Makeup remover
Toothbrush/toothpaste
Undergarments (and backup undergarments!!)
Some kind of jacket
Robe or something to wear while getting ready
JEWELRY
Shoes
Back up flats JUST IN CASE
Another outfit/dress JUST IN CASE
If applicable, backup contacts
Contact solution
Glasses
Eye drops
Tissues
Femine products JUST IN CASE
6. Do you have instructions from your hair and makeup team about how they would like everyone to arrive (freshly washed hair, fresh face, no preference, wash on site, etc.)?
7. Has your hair and makeup team confirmed they have enough time and staff to complete all of the professional services they’ve been contract for based on your timeline?
8 Are there enough mirrors/outlets for everyone in your getting ready space? (Pro-tip: If not, bring an extra mirror and a power strip or two)
9. Is there drinking water available where you are getting ready? If not, who will bring this?
10. When will you eat breakfast/lunch? If someone needs to bring food, who will it be? When will they buy it?
11. Do you want wine/beer/champagne/other alcohol while you are getting ready? Who will bring this? When will they buy it? How much will they buy? Pro-tip: Don’t forget cups!!!
12. Is there a refrigerator for food/drinks? Pro-tip: if not, bring a cooler or bring things that don’t need to be kept cool!
13. Who will clean up the food/getting ready mess when you are done?
14. Who will be gathering your personal items if you can’t leave them overnight?
15. If you are getting ready at the venue and you can’t leave your items in the bridal suite during the wedding, where will these items be stored?
16. Does everyone you are getting ready with know the plan?
CEREMONY:
Who will bring the marriage license to the venue?
Do you have ceremony programs? Where will these be placed? Who will place them?
Who is walking down the aisle (family, bridal party, officiant, other)?
What order are they walking in?
If anyone walking in the processional is not standing for the ceremony, do you have a plan of where they will sit after they walk down the aisle? Do have reserved signs for these seats?
Where will everyone walk from?
How long is your processional song(s)? Is it long enough to have everyone walk?
If you have multiple songs, who will cue the musician for the change of song?
Do you have a mic/speakers for the ceremony?
When will the officiant arrive so they can do a sound check?
Do you have a ring box?
Who will carry the rings down the aisle?
Did you write your own vows?
Who is bringing the vows to the venue?
Who will carry the vows down the aisle?
Do you have a bridesmaid to hold your bouquet while you exchange rings? If not, what will you do with the bouquet during the ceremony?
Have you specified to your photographer any special photos you would like during the ceremony?
Does you DJ/band know the absolute last line of the ceremony in order to cue the music?
Where will you go once you recess? Does your photo/video team know about this?
Where will your bridal party go once they recess? Your family?
When will you sign the marriage license?
Who will be your witness(es)?
Where will the marriage license go for the remainder of the reception once it is signed?
Who is releasing the guests from the ceremony area? (Hint: typically the officiant will do this unless they are participating in the recessional, in which case the DJ will make the announcement for guests to join cocktail hour.)
Do guests need to be guided to a different area for cocktail hour? Who will do this?
Do chairs need to be moved from the ceremony to reception area? Who will do this?
If your ceremony venue is different from your reception venue how will you and your guests be transported from the ceremony to the reception?
COCKTAIL HOUR
What will guests be doing during cocktail hour (i.e playing games, photo ops, or simply be mingling)?
Are there chairs for people to sit if they want/need to?
Is your caterer providing apps? How will apps be served?
Who will clean up the app plates/station?
Will you be taking pictures during this time?
Have you scoped out areas you would like to take pictures before hand?
Are you taking pictures with family members?
How will the family members know when they are needed for pictures?
Does your photographer have a list of pictures you want? Pro-tip: this list should include all of the different groups of people you want to take photos with!
Are you going to be able to eat any of the apps?
If your bar is switching locations, will anything need to be moved from cocktail area to reception area? Do you have enough bartenders to make this happen?
RECEPTION:
How will guests know when to sit for dinner? Is the DJ/MC going to make an announcement?
How will guests know where to sit for dinner? Do you have a seating chart or place cards?
Are you doing a grand entrance? Who will participate? Who will line them up and announce them? Pro-tip: typically the DJ/MC will do this in conjunction with the coordination team!
What will you do after the grand entrance (first dance, welcome speech, sit for dinner, other)?
If you are doing your first dance right after your grand entrance, where will the bridal party stand while you dance? Pro-tip: It can be distracting to have the bridal party searching for seats while you dance. Typically they will stand somewhere predetermined around the dance floor to watch you dance before taking their seats!
Does the bridal party already know where they should sit for dinner?
How will guests have access to water during dinner? Will someone be pouring water/refilling glasses, will there be water carafes on tables, or will there be a water dispenser that guests can retrieve water from? If there are dispensers or carafes of water who will refill these?
How will dinner be served (buffet, family style, or plated)?
If you are doing a buffet, who will release the tables to the buffet?
If you are doing buffet, will you make your own plate or will someone be doing this for you? Pro-tip: If you are going through the buffet, usually the newly weds go first!
Are you going to walk around to tables to say hi to everyone and take table pictures during dinner?
Have you allowed yourself enough time to eat and to say hi? Pro-tip: it typically takes 3-7 minutes per table on average for table photos!
Have you predetermined who will be giving toasts and the order in which they will be given? Are you planning to open the floor for any guests who would like to give toasts? Pro-tip: make sure your DJ/MC knows the speech/toast plan!!
Who will clean up the dinner plates? If the plates are rentals from a company outside of the catering team, does the catering/bussing team know how the rental company prefers the plates to be returned to them?
If you are doing any choreographed dances, does the DJ/musician know?
If you are doing a money dance, do you have safety pins or another way to keep the money secure while you are dancing? Where will these be located? Who will bring them to you?
Do you have a separate bouquet to throw for a bouquet toss so your special bouquet doesn’t get messed up?
Do you have a things for cake cutting (knife, serving utensils, plates)? Pro-tip: designate some one (if you don’t have a coordination team) to place cake cutting utensils, plates, forks, napkins, and water by the cake before your cake cutting!
How will dessert be served? Pro-tip: caterers can be a bit finicky about cutting cake and serving dessert that they didn’t provide! Confirm they are either open to serving these items OR make alternative plans!
Are you doing a grand exit?
Who will line everyone up and make sure sparklers are lit/glow sticks are cracked/bubbles are ready/or whatever else you have planned is prepared?
If you are doing sparklers, where will the hot sparkler sticks go after the exit? Pro-tip: you will need a large bucket (or four!) with water close by so guests can dispose of their sparklers safely after the exit!
How will you leave the venue?
Who will make sure your personal items are in your exit vehicle?
Where will you go after the reception? If it is a hotel, have you already checked in?
CLEAN UP:
When do all vendors need to be off property? Who will make sure this happens? Is there a fine if guests/vendors are on property longer than the contract time?
Have you confirmed with all vendors that the clean-up window is large enough for them to clean/clear at the end of the reception?
Which, if any, vendors are returning to collect things at the end of the night? (i.e. rentals, bathroom trailer pick-up, florist, etc.?)
Who will take your decorations at the end of the night? Which vehicle are they going into? Does this person know the plan?
Who is removing floral arrangements? Can guests take these? Where do you want leftover florals to go?
What do you want to do with your bouquet after the wedding? Do you want to save it? Do you know the process of preserving the bouquet in the way you want? Pro-tip: Make a preservation plan for your bouquet ahead of time and make sure that whoever if taking it knows what they must do THAT NIGHT to ensure the bouquet is in optimum condition for preservation!
Where do extra favors go?
Do you want leftovers? Where does leftover food/cake go?
If the florist doesn’t need anything back and where would you like the leftover centerpieces to go?
Does your venue require a final walkthrough with the coordination team at the end of cleanup?